Sarita (00:07.42)
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Back to Here with Saritha Podcast, All Things Wellness and Healing, where we talk about things like spirituality, manifestation, self -love, wealth, wellness, and so much more.
Sarita (00:33.212)
If you are here for the first time, I want to extend a warm welcome to you and love that you are here with me today to share with you a special solo episode around my personal self -love journey and its impact on manifestation as well.
Sarita (00:56.988)
So this episode is gonna be short and sweet because I'm gonna be sharing with you more around my self -love journey around the last year, 2023, and my discovery in a deeper sense of self -love.
Sarita (01:18.652)
And to catch you up with where I am in this moment, I feel like I'm in this kind of sort of funky phase right now. Do you ever feel like you have this sixth sense, like something really big is about to happen, like something drastic is about to change in your life? Like there's this buildup and maybe shit's ready to hit the fan.
I feel exactly that way right now. And in fact, yesterday I went to a sound bath and healing event and it was also a tarot card reading and my friend pulled the tower card. I don't know if you know what that symbolizes, but it literally symbolizes change and destruction.
Sarita (02:07.132)
And so the energy that I have found myself in for the last like seven weeks of the beginning of this year has really been in this like introverted state, meaning like I haven't really been super inspired or motivated to do more than the usual.
Sarita (02:28.412)
And perhaps it's the season we are in or the season that I'm in. We are in the season of winter, which I found myself just wanting to cuddle up at home underneath the blanket.
Sarita (02:46.108)
And what I find most interesting during these moments is the conditioning that I have that I projected on myself that I'm not being productive enough or I'm not doing enough or I should be doing something. These are ways of thinking that have kept me kind of in this perpetual state of shame. Like I should be doing something.
Like I'm shoulding all over myself, meaning like I should be quote unquote doing something more with my life. I should be doing something to move the needle forward. Does this ever happen to you having these thoughts? Well, I was realizing in a conversation that I was having with one of my friends that even mother earth goes through a hibernation state or a winter state. So it makes a lot of sense that us humans will go in that.
same process as well. And perhaps it's because I'm still processing my amazing transformational trip to Sedona and all the energy that I've let go of and this new identity that I've formulated that I'm stepping into and I'm really feeling like there's just change. I'm on the brink of something large and I feel like it's a little bit scary.
Sarita (04:11.964)
And I believe that's one of the hardest things for us humans to grasp is change, even though change is the most consistent thing or the most constant thing around us. However, it feels like change can be so subtle that we don't even know something's coming until it becomes this big, much larger thing.
Sarita (04:42.524)
And so for me, I know that I've had some very huge monumental changes or shifts within me over the last three years through all the healing that I've done in my life. However, my outward or my outward environment hasn't necessarily changed so drastically and hasn't shifted so much.
Sarita (05:12.54)
And so as I shared in the last episode that I did in January that one of my words for this year is I decide. And so the other day I was having a little pep talk with myself and I realized that nobody is going to change my environment. I'm the only one that can do that. Right. And just the same with like, no one can do my healing for me. No one can change my internal environment.
I have to change it, no one can change my external environment. So I feel like I'm on the horizon or the precipice of something big and I'm not really clear on like what that is and I'm definitely going to be do some more journaling but I will share some more insight on that when I get more clarity.
Sarita (06:03.388)
And so into the episode. So I wanted to share with you 2023 a little bit more around my self -love journey. Now as you know, February is all about love, Valentine's Day, so I wanted to make this month a little bit more heavily on the self -love. And I feel like during the time when I was going through these things, it was really hard for me to reflect. And now that I'm unattached, I can see things so much more clearly than I did.
when I was in the midst of it. So I wanted to share with you how last year was a year that I could have had a little bit more self -love.
Sarita (06:45.244)
And so I look at the woman in 2023 and I look at her with so much more compassion now because I know that last year when I was going through it was a year of heartbreak and I'm not just talking about men, I'm talking about choosing to break my own heart.
Sarita (07:06.108)
I saw or see now how deeply I believe that things and people around me were literally stealing my energy, like taking from me. And so as a result of that, when nine months in of the year ended up in September, I was feeling emotionally, physically, financially drained, not to mention completely heartbroken.
Sarita (07:39.356)
You see, this is what occurred. Instead of fully focusing on myself and my healing after my eight year breakup, I decided to reconnect with an old flame of mine from over a decade ago. And I was thinking because we reconnected, I was thinking quote unquote, he's the one. But during this relationship dynamic, I found it really interesting.
that what came forth from that was that I felt unseen, unloved, undervalued, pretty much all the things that I felt in my last relationship. And I noticed that not only was I feeling that in this dynamic, I was also feeling this on my online business. Like when I showed up on my social media or when I was sending an email, I felt like nobody was paying attention to me. No one was hearing me.
No one was caring what I was saying.
Sarita (08:42.588)
I felt really defeated often and my pattern was that I just continued to give and to give hoping that if I was to give just a little bit more, perhaps that person would realize how amazing I am or that Instagram person that was viewing my stories would finally pay attention to me and interact with me.
Sarita (09:18.716)
So instead of going deeper inside myself, like I always advise my clients to do, and build up this self worth muscle and self love muscle to break this perpetual cycle that I was creating for myself, what did I decide to do?
Sarita (09:39.452)
I continued to this pattern, I continued with this pattern and I continued to look outside of myself for fulfillment. And in March of last year, I ended up falling head over heels with somebody new in my life. And at that time, I was quite literally swept off my feet.
Sarita (10:04.412)
And as we have said, love can be really blind. Like we're going down the freeway and not seeing the warning signs, not seeing the red flags. And actually that's exactly what was happening with me. I was literally swept off my feet. I was along for the ride. And before I knew it, I was hyper focused on playing that role all over again. I was playing that role of the person who was seeking validation.
fulfillment and completeness from this other person. I literally lost myself in everything and it was because I didn't have clear boundaries for myself, nor was I giving myself the self -love and I was not coming from a place of completeness.
Sarita (11:00.378)
before I knew it, I was repeating the same exact patterns of the over giver that I knew that I was in my eight year relationship. And it was a big reason for the split. So when September came around and that new fling relationship dynamic got cut off, I was left with quite the tornado of the scene and my head spinning and my
deep inability to be honest with myself that I was perpetuating that cycle all over again. And believe it or not, this was showing up heavily in other aspects of my life. My business, my health, my mental health, my friendships, my physical health. That is the most wildest thing is that when we are showing up one way, it is definitely showing up in other parts of our life. I was not honest with how much I was actually giving.
from an empty well.
I had chosen not to give love to myself. I had chosen not to create boundaries. I even chose not to have a better relationship with myself and find more out about myself without a significant other. I chose to believe that I was being the hero of the story because I was being the giver.
Sarita (12:33.02)
And to be honest with you, that really broken down narrative wasn't working for me anymore. I had this belief that I was in a world of takers. People were stealing from me and I was a perpetual giver. And I was always giving more subconsciously thinking. I was always giving more and subconsciously thinking that by doing that, somehow, by giving more, I would somehow be more valued.
But what it ended up doing to me was depleting me and making me feel so much more sad and alone and lonely that I've ever felt before. You see friends, self love is a choice. And when we are putting others before ourselves and giving from an empty well, we are literally communicating to that other person. We are literally communicating you other person deserve
more than me. You other person can have this piece of me because I don't value it enough to hold on to it myself.
Sarita (13:49.66)
So I remember reading in early January this book where when we are looking for fulfillment, satisfaction, and validation from other people and other things, we are actually looking for completeness outside of ourselves. When I read that, that word landed for me so, so deeply, completeness.
Sarita (14:19.548)
I realized my whole entire life I had been searching for completeness outside of the self when in reality I was complete just as I am and I am complete just as I am. I'm complete because it's innate that I'm a whole human being and just like you are you are a whole innate worthy human being just as you are.
So going back to the belief about me being a giver, I was looking for this completeness out of myself. And in the midst of it, obviously in 2023, I didn't even realize that this was happening, number one. And I didn't even realize that I had the option to actually believe something different. I was so programmed with this pattern of mine for so long, and I've shared with you how...
subconscious patterns can come through the nervous system and up to our subconscious and to the and when we realize things it comes to consciousness level right i actually because of this pattern that had played out for so long over and over again i wholeheartedly whole -bodily believed that this was true i believed that by being the giver i was being of service and there was a benefit for me there was a satisfaction
Faction layer for me that if I'm a giver, I'm the bigger person. I'm the hero. I'm the Savior and I keep doing it because it feels really good to give I made myself out to be this hero of the story by just giving giving giving when in reality I Actually was playing out the martyr in my own story
Sarita (16:15.836)
So I find it a little bit amusing because back in 2023, this particular podcast, the theme was all about self -love. And I don't know if you've had a chance to listen to some of those amazing, amazing stories, self -love stories that my guests have shared. I was talking about self -love all the time last year, yet I wasn't practicing it to the full capacity. I wasn't allowing myself to give and receive love from myself.
Sarita (16:52.412)
And that's the thing that I find so fascinating about manifestation or manifesting is this ebbing and flowing of the universal energies. And there's this law called the law of vacuum that literally states for you to be able to receive, you must make room for it, for energy to actually to go someplace that actually needs to be room. And so as a perpetual giver, I definitely was giving, giving, giving. So I was creating space.
I was making room for love. I was making room because I was constantly giving, but I wasn't being fulfilled because I actually wasn't receiving from myself. I was filling those, that void with temporary false things that satisfied me in that moment. Things like sex or responding to an Instagram story, a potential client wanting to work with me, money, eating, shopping, you name it, the list goes on.
Sarita (17:59.74)
And that's why when it comes to manifesting manifestation, and a lot of people don't talk about it, but self love is literally, literally to be key to be able to receive what it is we desire. Start practicing receiving from yourself. If love is what you desire, start by giving and receiving love from yourself. If money is what you desire,
Start by giving yourself money, maybe by saving.
Sarita (18:35.9)
It's the energies behind these actions that are so important. When we are showing up as a person that is giving with a full, full heart, it shows because true generosity comes from a place of fullness and completeness, not from an empty well.
So there you go, there are my self -love reflections. I really hope that this episode has been helpful for you. I ask that you please share this episode with somebody today because like I said, self -love is so important and it's the number one thing that really, really helps us vibrate at a much higher frequency. I would love for you to tag me in your stories at Sarita Wellness by taking a screenshot of this episode and sharing it with people.
And in return, I will share with you my 23 self -love audio affirmations that you can listen to at any time that you desire.
It has been great being with you here today and I will catch you in the next episode next month. Keep being the amazing you that you are. Bye for now.
