Sarita Buer (00:00)
Hello, hello and welcome back to Back to Here with Sarita, the new Manifesting Paradigm podcast. As you can see, I have an amazing guest that is, you're watching this on YouTube, if you're catching this on any other platform like Spotify or Apple, I just wanna let you know I am very excited to speak with a guest that I have here. be talking about things like heartbreak and ⁓ working through overcoming heartbreak.
and overcoming breakups and things like that. So very much aligned with my own personal journey. So I have here Diane Beck. So thank you so much, Diane Beck for being here on the podcast today.
Diane Beck (00:40)
it's an absolute pleasure, Sarita. Lovely to talk to you.
Sarita Buer (00:44)
Yes, I'm very much looking forward to this conversation because the journey you shared with me is very congruent to my own personal story. And so I just love when I connect with other women, other people who have been through similar paths as me. Not only do we have this kind of camaraderie, this sisterhood going on, but it also is giving me a level of... ⁓
permission to share more of my story as well when I hear other women sharing their breakthrough stories when it comes to heartbreak and things like that. So ⁓ let's go ahead and jump in right away. I want you to share with my audience just a little background with the work you're doing so they have an idea of what that is and then also what led you to do this work. What was the inspiration behind coming to this place?
Diane Beck (01:42)
Thank you. Well, first of all, I'm a therapist and coach and have been a therapist and coach for around 16 years. And I was a therapist and coach because I'd had earlier heartbreaks, which I'll kind of touch on because we're going to probably think and focus that heartbreak is purely about relationship and it's one of the symptoms. But I had a breakup that floored me out of nowhere. And I thought this was with my
soulmate and I was completely in love. All the flags were there which I refused to look at because I was so invested and a couple of weeks before we were about to move in together he kind of ran and he told me on the phone from the other end of the country and it left me homeless, spinning, I had nowhere to live, my car was breaking down because I was like thinking well ditching all that because we're about to invest in this new place and a whole new life.
And suddenly my life tipped upside down and I couldn't grieve until I found myself in a new place. And I remember being surrounded by bits of furniture and my friend who'd helped me move in to this like last minute place, which turned out to be a real haven in the end, but it was a place I didn't know. and my, the thing that really broke me was the fact that my, my furniture wouldn't even fit up the small staircase of this old English cottage that I kind of, I was like,
surrounded by like higgledy-piggledy broken life. It was like a real metaphor. It just broke me. And it was in these moments of just being on the floor. And I thought I knew how to deal with this with clients, you know, and I've been working a long time and I knew all of these therapeutic modalities and approaches.
Sarita Buer (03:18)
Yeah.
Diane Beck (03:35)
And I was trying to run a business and I thought I was all empowered. And what was inadvertently amazing about it, but not at the time, was that it completely broke me apart in a way that was like a bit of an earthquake and all of this, ⁓ wow, unhealed stuff, which I kind of like did the eye roll of surely not this again. Like haven't I worked on this?
but like the level to which I thought I'd worked on it was clearly not enough. And through this absolute pain, I was starting to see that the kind of way of working on it was just not enough. And I had to dig in. It took me about three years to really work out what was really going on. And the truth of it is that my life was completely out of alignment to my soul.
And I had to, I'd felt so alone, abandoned by God, you abandoned by spirit, like completely, this, all this stuff, which I hadn't even articulated to myself at the time, but I just felt so like rejected, not just by the partner, but from myself, from source, from like, the whole thing was a huge metaphor and I was really living through it. was like super painful, dark night of this old stuff, like over and I'm like on the loop.
And I had to really dig in, which leads me to what I created, which was this new technique for myself through learning how to speak to my soul. I know that however this is going to sound to your listeners, but I feel like from talking to you, if they're in resonance with you, they're really going to get this is that I had to learn how to really connect to myself at a deep, deep unconscious level, at soul level, via the heart.
And I suddenly found that my body was talking to me in these somatic sensations that could unlock conversations. And as a hypnotist, I kind of used those ways to talk to myself. And it was just unlocking healing. And was like unlocking these truths, which was really exciting for me. Thinking like, wow, where did that come from? And where does that wisdom come from? Which was quite moving. I was like, crikey, I've got this connection.
And the short story on that is like, wow, wow, wow, this is the way, this is completely other level to what I'd been using before. And so I started to take women through it and then created, like it got faster and faster. Like it now kind of is down to like six to 10 weeks, but there's this three month container. And you know, what took me three years is now it's like this like three month process.
that I call like the aligned woman, healing their heartbreak. And you go in through the heartbreak, because that's when we're exposed and our mask has dropped. And we go in through that heartbreak chasm, because our defenses are down. And it allows us to heal it. And that's what makes it quick, because we don't zip up anymore and our defenses are down. But this process is life changing for women and I'm extremely proud of it. And it's very new for me and it's probably taken all of that pain.
and heartbreak over the years and that final heartbreak that just really had to floor me, me off at the knees to kind of go, do you get it now? And I had to go through it to lead other women through it, which is what I'm now really, really passionate about.
Sarita Buer (07:09)
That sounds like super powerful, alchemizing work that you're doing. Thank you so much for that. And I heavily, heavily, heavily resonate with that story. I have similar, similar experience. And for those of you that are listening and watching on the podcast, most likely you've been here for a little while. So you know that I have intentionally manifested the life that I'm living because it was post breakup. So it was like,
a kind of a second chance for me to recreate my lifestyle, recreate like fundamentally, basic wise that I thought that was what I was supposed to be doing, experiencing life and all that. And then going through the breakup and that's been about three and a half years now and recreating my life. And so I resonate so heavily with like the actual heartbreak and
rediscovering myself and going through the process of a deep level self-love journey and discovering myself through that, rediscovering myself through that because it was never lost, right? And so I absolutely love, I love that you went through that experience. I don't love that you went through the experience, but I love that you have chosen to utilize that experience to alchemize it into.
An amazing program that I know is supporting a lot of other women through very similar things. So that's so wonderful.
Diane Beck (08:38)
is the only way, right? If we ignore it. I probably did ignore it for years. I went through, because I went through so many different kinds of heartbreak. I retrospectively looked back and they all had similar elements to this one. Seeing my dad die in front of me when I was 16 was a heartbreak and that tipped my world upside down. I buried that one, thought I was coping for the family. I was the copeable one and I went into my masculine.
completely abandoned myself as a woman. It's very odd thing, but retrospectively now it's like, wow, I became quite masculine like a doer. I became the fixer, you know, of the family and thinking that, you know, I'm going to take the mantle of the, you know, the father role, the family and the responsibility. Like looking back, oh my gosh, that when my ex did that, can really thank him now. You know, it's like, I I said to you earlier, he's like a soulmate.
Sarita Buer (09:21)
responsibility.
Diane Beck (09:34)
It kind of also redefined what I Soulmates are in that I think they come in and go, you know what, I'm going to be that person that makes sure you get that soul growth. I don't think it's like the happy clappy version that, you know, you see on the Instagram or version of Soulmates. And so I'm so grateful that he played that role so well that I had to kind of finally learn it. And there's been like these, we've all had them, right? So
Sarita Buer (09:57)
Yeah.
Diane Beck (10:02)
the women that listening to this and you've clearly had that and you've had this last three years of growth. Isn't that what we're here for? And I'd ignored it and buried down my first one and just went to college and launched into the career that I thought I was going to do, which was acting. I thought, yeah, my life is sorted. That's what I'm going to go and do. know, spirit had other, you know, my soul had other kind of contentions for me.
and it just kind of went on this journey. But the time was like, yeah, this is it. And I had to crack away from that and all these different heartbreaks over the years. That was the final one that was like, do you get it now? And I think when we get to this like second spring as things they call it as well in Asia, which is a beautiful term, but when women get to a certain age where they can finally see the patterns that they've been living, we get this amazing opportunity to just transcend.
into this emboldening feminine, powerful wisdom keeper. We're like the wisdom keepers of the, because we're grandmas as well, which in other animals, become, you know, the feminine becomes redundant after they've given birth. in our kind of, know, in our animal, like the elephant and there's like orcas and like
Sarita Buer (11:03)
Amazing feminine. ⁓
Yes.
Diane Beck (11:26)
grandmas are the wisdom keepers. think that when we become, when we alchemize it, we can then go into our wisdom keeping years. So I think it's really important that we use these opportunities of heartbreak in this, like 35 to 50 is a real important sweet spot. I say 50 because it can take some more time to kind of get the slight bump into the furniture of life sufficiently enough to kind of go,
Sarita Buer (11:29)
Yes.
Diane Beck (11:55)
I need to really realign here. And so I've seen like 35 to 50 is a real sweet spot time to go, okay, yeah, we need to dig in.
Sarita Buer (12:06)
I love that. That sounds about right for me, because that was about the age when things came to the epiphany, right? You were talking about how there was a sense of just being in denial almost and not really wanting to, like being in awareness, but not necessarily allowing yourself to go there and being in denial about it, even though bodily symptoms and other things came forth from that.
Diane, I wanted to ask you before we jump into all stuff, and I wanna talk so much more heavily about all the wisdom keeping and the processes you take some of your clients through to be able to help them through heartbreak and recovery, is we have this misconception that, and you mentioned this, and I love that you brought this up, we have this misconception that heartbreak is happening just after a breakup, like just after a divorce.
just after a romantic breakup, we think of that. And for me, just as a little example, I was in my eight-year relationship, yet in that relationship, I felt heartbroken for the majority of the time that I was in the relationship. So that leads me to understand from my own personal experience and my bodily symptoms and I don't...
Again, it was like I couldn't articulate, just like you said, you couldn't articulate certain things, but looking back at it retrospectively, I understand that I was heartbroken. So I want to know from you, just from your own personal experience and working with clients and being in this space for a while, what is your specific definition of heartbreak? And again, just to reflect, we have this misconception that it's only after divorce and breakup and things like that. And I just shared an example that it's...
more than that, but I would love to hear from you. What does that look like? What is ⁓ more of the personal experience when it comes to what heartbreak is, in your words?
Diane Beck (14:15)
Gosh, Sarita just hearing you talk about that is an amazing example that you're like in a relationship and ⁓ my gosh, and you're aware that you're heartbroken. That takes a lot of acceptance to see that. And that's probably easier retrospectively. I had that in my prior relationship where I was in it and he didn't want children with me. And that, my God, that was a heartbreak.
I had to grieve that within the boundary of that relationship as well, because he already had children. He said at the beginning of the relationship, yeah, yeah, yeah, what we can have good by the time we were like eight years in, he changed his mind. And I was like, my Lord, that was, that was hardcore for me too. So I've like had these heartbreaks and that was one of the heartbreaks I've had over time. So yeah, it isn't always about relationship. It's about matter of the heart.
matter of the heart chakra. is importance and here's how I want to articulate it. As far as I understand it and have tracked, our soul comes through via the heart center. The meaningfulness of us is via this portal of the heart.
So if you were to imagine where would I be connecting if I was to really be connecting to the truth of myself, where do I feel that? When I ask clients, you know, to kind of navigate that even just kind of initially, even if it's an alien concept, they always intuitively will say to me, it feels about here. Yeah. This area.
This toroidal field of the heart center is so powerfully important. It is a matter of the heart that is unfulfilled and broken and not connected. So that can be loss of a career that felt like it gave identity. It can be loss of a child, loss of a perceived future you've attached to.
like having children, which was a major pain for me, that was a massive grief, that was also an incredible thing to go through retrospectively as well. But there's the lot of relationship, of course, because it's matter of the heart. So it's those things that feel so innately connected to some truth of us. And it's the attachment we have to it.
that huge loss of what we've leaned into and piled our attachment onto that can break the heart. The key to the healing of it is to come back to ourselves through the heart which creates resilience, self-connection, deep inner strength, inner knowing, all the good stuff. But it's the broken heart
is the key to come back to the heart. It's like piecing yourself back together and nothing outside of you is going to do that. And it sounds like the worst thing in the world, but the worst thing in the world is the best thing in the world if you alchemize it. It's the worst thing in the world if you ignore it. It's the worst thing in the world if you try to anesthetize it from outside of you, which, you know, I'm guilty of doing. And so when we try and push it away and anesthetize it,
It's almost even more heartbreaking it takes us further from ourselves.
It's calling us back to, it's so powerful. It's just, I don't know anybody in the planet that wouldn't experience heartbreak of some description. And the commonality of that is this is something so close and innately close to what is meaningful to you and your identity and feeling accepted on the planet. That if that feels lost all of a sudden, what it reminds you is that
Sarita Buer (17:56)
Agreed.
Diane Beck (18:23)
No, I've got to accept myself. I've not lost anything.
It's deep, deep, deep stuff.
Sarita Buer (18:26)
Right.
You explained it so beautifully. couldn't have said it better. I personally feel like for me, I've been through many different heartbreaking experiences. And I love that you shared just examples of when it comes to identity, like our identity level. Transitioning from living in a city for 20 years is another example for me most recently.
living in a city for 20 years, establishing friendships and my identity there, right? was everything in my 20s and 30s and leaving that and getting on the road and doing this nomadic lifestyle. I'm four months in, I would have to say the first three months was me going through a heavy grieving process. And I realized the heartbreak was something that you mentioned is the heartbreak of what could have been.
because I came to San Diego with all these kind of visions and I was right after graduating from university and going to a new city, wanting to recreate a life or start a new life, I should say, in my 20s, wanting to conquer the world. That's what happens after we go through university. We just have all these ideas of like, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make moves. And a lot of things transpired over those 20 years.
beautiful things that have made me the evolved woman that I am now. And at the same time, there are certain aspects of that that I feel were heartbreaking in a way because as I left, was like what could have been with certain circumstances, situations, friendships, experiences, all those things that I don't want to say didn't work out, but were not meant to.
go into the next chapter that I'm now living. And so that's a form of heartbreak that is been with me these last three months. And I feel a lot more stabilized now from all that because thank goodness I've had the tools and the resources to be able to support myself. And I've put a lot of energy and effort after my original breakup, my breakup when I was 39 years old and going through that and
laying the foundation for myself. You were talking about how you had been, you know, you were a therapist and you had all these kinds of modalities and you were thinking to yourself like, wow, I should be like being able to get through this, right? So much better. And like here I coach women and support women through all this. And I have now like in this predicament, I feel like this happens to us that are meant to
Diane Beck (21:07)
Mmm.
Sarita Buer (21:21)
really make this work so much more grandiose than we ever thought was, you know, we thought we were doing that impact. And so from that personal experience, like what has been kind of the fuel and the fire for you to make this from your journey and alchemizing it into something so much more bigger than maybe you even imagined it before.
Diane Beck (21:49)
What has been the fuel in the fire that has caused me to alchemize it? I'm not, I'm not sure. mean, what I, what I do know is that I feel like with every heartbreak, it's allowed me to realign and re remember myself at a deeper level. ⁓ the biggest, I suppose I'm trying to work out how to honor and answer that, that, that question. think the biggest fuel in the fire has been the biggest.
Sarita Buer (21:51)
Yeah.
Diane Beck (22:16)
pains because I kind of hit so many rock bottoms. I've had nowhere else to go but up. And it's like I've had some very dark thoughts and some very dark nights of the soul, even though I do what I do, which has been the most humbling, shocking thing, because I'm completely transparent. It's that I also had to remember that in order to take women and I know what with men, of course,
for the people all over the world that have kind of like found me and worked with me in London and mentioned. I ran clinics, I had no shortage of other therapists' numbers when I was going through this, but nobody knew how to really help me. They just did the usual by rote. But what I had to learn how to do was take myself to those places so that I could guide people there and feel like I could hold them in those places. So I had to get over myself and get over the fact that
I'm not supposed to be perfect. In fact, if anything, I have to be able to experience these pains so that I can empathize and appreciate the levels to which clients are going to go. I think it's been in any case, it's inordinately helpful for me to have gone to those places. And the fuel in my fire, like this, the realignment that happens.
when we reintegrate a learning. I'll tell you something actually, Sarita. Here's what I think it is. When I was, there was a couple of moments, there was one moment I've got this like sheepskin rug and I was on the sheepskin rug and it happened there and it was one Christmas Eve and I was spending it alone of course and not with my partner in this house. I was like again that was real tears and he's like no, no, you know. And I had a very, very powerfully spiritual moment.
which I've had to also accept as the years have gone on. They've come in more and more and completely transformed how I perceive the world and myself and all kinds of energy and all kinds of things. And in the bath too, I get it a lot in water, is this connection at a deeper level to something that is bigger than me, that feels like purpose. And it's like tapping into a well.
When you're aligned, it's like spiritual chiropractor, it's like spiritual realignment. If you can imagine like, you're yourself back in, you know? And it feels like that. And I get these waves of just fortitude, like I just want to, like, I'm a warrior almost for women or like, and it is very much for the feminine. I've worked with so many men over the years and...
Sarita Buer (24:46)
Love that image.
Diane Beck (25:08)
you know, that whole masculine thing that I was talking about before, I found that very easy to just kind of, sorry, I've got cat hairs everywhere. was telling you about earlier, wasn't I? I'm doing this. But I kind of felt so much easier to click into a way of working and being that just wasn't true to myself. So the more the heartbreak was bringing me back to myself and the more I connected to my feminine energy and the more I realized, wow, I've got to go in and I've got to go in via the heart.
Sarita Buer (25:16)
That's all good.
Diane Beck (25:37)
and I worked in water which there's something about me working with water as well it's extremely feminine for me it helps me go in
It's tapping into this well for me, which gives me the fire. It's like as soon as you're aligned, and this goes for yourself too, you're getting this fire from refinding yourself, Sarita, by the sounds of it. And when other people realign through their healing their heartbreak and find, it's like a remembering, it's not newness. And you touched on this earlier, it's like a self remembering.
realignment. When that happens and the energy flows soul right the way through and your living life on purpose, nothing can stop you and only then can you know what you really want. I also went through that thing of thinking I knew what I wanted, a like my early career you know, and I was good at it too and I thought ⁓ that's it life sorted I think I know what's good for me and clearly it wasn't right for me.
It was extremely painful to kind of come away from it, but it wasn't good for me. It wasn't right for me. And the more I've become aligned, the more energy I've got. I feel like I'm aging younger. I feel like I've got more power. It's funny how that happens too, is your body will let you know. You treat yourself better. You eat differently. You move the body differently. You crave different things because you're more in alignment. And the more in alignment you are, only then can you know what you want.
Sarita Buer (26:56)
Love that. Yes.
Yes, you shared something so dynamic for me and something that I know a lot of women and this segues perfectly into my next question, because I am going to be talking about alignment. it's something that is, I love hearing people's definitions or experiences when it comes to alignment. And you touched on something that I think has been my own personal journey as well. And what's happening collectively.
very much so when it comes to other women, this awakening of the feminine. It has been very easy to revert because we've been conditioned in a very masculine society. No matter where you are in the world, it's a very patriarchal setup. That's just how it is. When we look at government, we look at other aspects of how things are run. It's a very masculine, patriarchal kind of approach.
And nothing wrong with that. And we are conditioned as women to be very ⁓ going towards, you know, that type of energy. And so we deny aspects of ourselves. We deny certain feminine parts of ourselves. I was just talking to one of my friends and she said, she's just a couple of years older to me. She grew up in Puerto Rico and she said for us girls growing up, just anything that had to do with our cycle, it was like,
We don't talk about it. It's a no-no. It's like, don't want to, nobody wants to see you. No one wants to experience you. Like it's just, you have to deal with it. Right. And so like very pushed down with something that's so bodily part of our cycle, something that how we can actually be syncing with planet mother earth. And so, so many of us are, goodness, starting to awaken because there are other resources and things available for us.
conversations like this, of course. And yet there's also a lot of energy work that gets to be done as well. So for somebody that has maybe even awareness, sometimes people don't even have an awareness of being out of alignment. I sure didn't. Like I was an insomniac. I was working 45, 50 plus hours a week. I was partying on the side. I was trying to do all these different things and not resting enough.
And I didn't realize alignment was a big aspect of that and discovering myself and who I was. Just like you said, like I wasn't eating healthy. was, I was, I was trying to do like the simple mindfulness practices that were, you know, available for me at the time. And, and it wasn't until I had the heartbreak and I rediscovered myself, I went through the process that I discovered like, that's stuff that I was doing before was me being unaligned or not being in alignment. So
for somebody that's going through this process and just kind of starting to waken up and experience themselves a little bit on a deeper level, because they'd be listening to this podcast and discovering more about themselves. When it comes to pretending to be okay and ⁓ misalignment and things like that, what are some aspects that you have?
discovered from some of your clients, your own personal experiences, some things, maybe some indicators, anything that you can share with us when it comes to this ability to get back. Like I love how you said the spiritual, you know, chiropractor, that is the beautiful image, like to assist somebody in getting that back into a little bit of alignment.
Diane Beck (30:46)
Wow, well, this is why age is such a help.
Sarita Buer (30:52)
Sure is.
Diane Beck (30:53)
Yeah, because we've got
the benefit of the retrospective perspective. We can look back on the last 35 years or 40 years or 49 years. If you're in your 20s.
It's tough. don't know. Like, so depending on what age you're listening to this, I want you to just consider.
How you know you're out of alignment is extremely difficult when you're in your comfort zone.
Sarita Buer (31:22)
Oof. Yeah.
Diane Beck (31:22)
I want you to,
as a trained lover of unconscious minds, hypnotist of many, years, I, God, I love unconscious minds so much. You, cause you're a healing machine, you're incredible. It's your best friend and it beats your heart and breathes you. And it's the story, it's the interface between your soul and wisdom. It's like plugging into mother tree if you know how to do it.
But if you're not listening to yourself and cutting yourself off at the neck and just functioning like you were talking about, like the parting and the burnout, like that leads to burnout and all of that. We don't know. That's a, I would say it's a classic early thirties, twenties, right of passage behavior. Cause you're learning your limits. You're learning your edges. And it's almost like you kind of like got to do that stuff, you know? Learn through experiential. It doesn't matter what anybody says.
you're going to ignore it and say, thanks. And you have, we have to learn experientially. So you're going to go through that stuff. But as a hypnotherapist coach, what I would say is we're all living in our own paradigm. And I want you to imagine it like a huge outer invisible to us bubble or like a box where you're, you're just the six sides of this box and you've created the box.
but you don't realize you've created it and you're living from within it. Another way to look at it is augmented reality glasses that we're seeing all over Apple and all these places. This is quite a metaphor because it really puts us in the game. And I want to imagine you've put it like a DVD or you put a game on and the game title is the deepest belief system you have about the soul and the self.
So let's imagine somebody believes and has decided about themselves that they are unworthy. Small.
typical ones. It's always something that you are and it's deeply buried and it's out of awareness because it's in your blind spot. Carl Jung used to call it the shadow self, know, and if you don't get to know it, you know, it's going to be created in your outer life and you'll point to it and call it fate. You're creating it. It's like putting in a DVD of a game and just go, right, this is the game I'm playing. And my job is to mirror and show clients this is why
your life is how it is because it's the foundational sponsoring energy and vibration underneath every perspective you could possibly have. Every filter that you have comes from the motherboard of that belief. So how you spot your living from inside a negative one, because you'll have positive ones too, but
from my work, I can take anybody off the street and put them in my office and we'll find this negative paradigm. It will be responsible for all of the surface level issues, the attachment issues, the pains and all the stuff. And that's how you can tell is what are the symptoms of my life at the surface, which is where the thinking mind lives, because it's a judgment filter that sits on the surface. What am I noticing consciously that I don't like?
And maybe I've seen it before in my life and you can sit with a pen and paper kind of thing. Okay. What am I not happy about? Is my life where I want it to be that would expand my heart? If do I feel an expansion or contraction? Is my life going the way I want it to go? Am I bumping into the furniture of life? Am I bumping into the edges of this paradigm? That's when you experience heartbreak. That's why heartbreak is amazing because it ripped tears that trans for a while.
And it's about knocking people out of trances, not putting them in trances. Like we're walking around in that trance, totally on autopilot. It's things like 96 % of the day we're in trance and only a very small part of the day we're in consciousness. And the thinking mind time travels. It thinks about the future, thinks about the past, grieves about a future that you've not lived, grieves about the and feels stuck and then just buries the head and just functions.
So when you have a heartbreak, be it a loss of any kind that affects the heart, that's why they are amazing. That if you can avoid just zipping up and carrying on, you have this incredible, otherwise unseen opportunity to see beyond the trance for a while. It's like the Wizard of Oz and you're pulling the curtain back and you're seeing the reality.
it for a short while and if you can sit with that and see that and feel the discomfort of it, that discomfort will motivate you and the unconscious to go yeah we can't be doing this anymore. It will put you at I call a threshold point. The danger, Sarita, is when we're not doing that. The danger is the comfort zone. It's like when people leave prison, you know they're at the highest risk of reoffending because prison felt so comfortable
They had identity there. They had status. They come out. The world's very different. That's a really useful analogy to think about because we can make our lives so comfortable and the attachment is just because it's a known zone and the brain loves a known zone. So when you get comfortable, be wary of that because it can make change fearful. And that's what you were grieving when you were talking about leaving your what you're just
Sarita Buer (36:31)
Yeah.
Diane Beck (36:59)
releasing the fingers from an old prison, really an old known zone. And that's where growth is. That's where all the opportunities are. But we get so attached because we just like our nervous system expands to be able to cope with the pain. So if the nervous system expands to be able to cope with the pain, feels okay and doable. And that's dangerous, right? Because our prisons become kind of
known zones equal safe to the unconscious. So you've got to like wake up and snap out of it. Breakups are amazing for that. Anything, it's an amazing duality and law of polarity. It's like anything that's negative, there's gold in it because it might wake you up and allow you to have a moment of clarity to go, okay, what's this showing me?
Sarita Buer (37:49)
You essentially spun, you, ⁓ I can't speak. You essentially spun heartbreaks into a breakthrough opportunity. That's what I'm hearing. I love that. That's such a unique and beautiful mindset shift for anybody that's been going through it, that's experienced it. And
Diane Beck (37:52)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (38:17)
And when you were talking about this, I kind of was thinking about...
two different types of people that I've encountered in my life. And for one, the person that goes through a heartbreaking experience and again, no necessarily fault of their own. It's again, a choice, right? Grief is not a choice. We go through the bodily symptoms, all these things. And yet I've met people who have gone through heartbreak no matter what it is and have chosen to remain in like a victimhood.
place. And so choosing to kind of stay in and what I think of as like this comfort zone, this comfort zone of being in their own victimhood. This thing happened to me and the world is against me and I'm not moving forward because of that. And although I have a lot of empathy for anybody that goes through something that's life altering because I've been through many different experiences, there is because I've
personally gone through my own type of change and alchemization and all these different parts of me, I am much more aware now of people that are choosing to be in a state of victimhood. And then there's that other aspect they are talking about is that it is an opportunity, this massive breakthrough that can occur when we are thrown up against, oftentimes against our own
will. That's why I love Tarot and like the Tower card. And if you're familiar with the Tower card, it's just oftentimes come in, comes into our life where it's necessary. It's necessary to destroy the whole foundation completely, right? And to be able to just, just like with, when they build new buildings, it's a challenge to rebuild.
buildings on top of old foundations. They usually will excavate everything underneath and really start over again. And I kind of think about that with tower moments and these massive breakthroughs that can happen post a heartbreak. And so it's like we're forced into this position of alignment. We're forced into it oftentimes against our will. But like you said, it's because of that that
Diane Beck (40:34)
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (40:42)
we probably most likely wouldn't have been necessarily in awareness because we are so comfortable in our comfort zone. And I recognize this now because I was the one who initiated the breakup of my eight year relationship. And I was met with quite frequently after maybe like six months to a year when I started sharing my story, people would come to me and say, my gosh, it's so courageous of you to do that.
And for me, I didn't really think about it. was like, I just broke up with somebody. You know how heartbreaking that is? It's so challenging. It's so hard. It's like I'm going through all the things. But I didn't realize that I know now retrospectively walking away from something, actually taking the initiative because you're out of alignment and going through that massive breakthrough is the opposite or I should say kind of like the flip side of the person that actually chooses to stay in comfort zone and victimhood.
and things like that, and no shade to that person at all. If that's somebody that's listening, like I'm not trying to make you feel, you know, any feelings of ⁓ shame by any means, but I'm just saying that it's a duplicity thing that can happen, which you're talking about as like this comfort zone and moving into a massive breakthrough. So thank you so much for helping me even reframe that in my mind.
because we've thought so often we think of heartbreak as this like horrible, which it is, a horrible thing that's so challenging to come back from. And yet it's such a beautiful, like ⁓ natural opportunity for us.
Diane Beck (42:27)
so much in everything that you've just said. I want to talk to talk please if I can about the the fence between empowerment and victimhood.
Sarita Buer (42:33)
Yes.
Diane Beck (42:39)
I, ⁓ so interesting because we do it. mean, I say we, cause I'm talking about me right now and obviously clients, because we're human. There'll be times in our lives where we're automatically have resources and ego states where that we're comfortable with and go, and we're very empowered in those areas of our life. But then something might come along and push us and it feels very unnatural in
like a family area of life or a career area of life and we'll go back into victim or just in that area. But in other areas of life, we're very empowered and we take choices that, you know, move us forwards. So it's not that we're doing it fully all the time, 100 % in one direction. There are like these seven to eight like life areas that we kind of like juggle that have like a cat's cradle tension that we're always kind of like working between.
I'd love to talk about this because it's so powerful. Because if you're listening to this and listening to what Sarita's just said about staying in a place that feels not right, but it's too scary to get out of right now. The fact that you're even aware of it or listening to what we're talking about and intuitively
there might be a little resonance twang to that that is resonating with you inside. It's like, something's not right. When I talked earlier about leaving that, it turned out to be a 13 year relationship. I should have left that relationship, if I'm going to use the word should, know, retrospectively, I could have, should have left that relationship probably about five to six years earlier. And I didn't, I chose to stay.
And interestingly, when I talked about, because I talked about not being able to have children, I actually had a growth in my, in my uterus that had to be surgically removed. How metaphorical is that? That I'd grown and I thought, and as soon as that happened, I was like, this is the physiological embodiment of the pain that I've not healed. I have to go and heal that at such a deep level and leave this relationship because it's not healthy for me anymore.
I had to wait until I got that sick that I'd created that like, don't leave it that late, ladies, you know. Here this is hard for you. It was a fibroid, thank goodness in the end, but it was, I did think it was cancerous at the time. And I had various health issues over the years, know, that would have floored me as well. All these signs that I'd ignored, nullified, tried to push down.
Sarita Buer (45:11)
Right there with you, Diane. I was the same way too. ⁓
Diane Beck (45:30)
try to cognitively talk away and kind of throw a little bit of therapy at the surface wasn't enough. I had to go super deep each time to clear these things out and each time when you clear it and touch those places you reclaim a part of yourself and come back into more alignment by the way and you get a deeper remembering. But I really want to talk again about this fence. Victimhood versus empowerment.
How we know we're victims versus how we know we're at cause and making choices that move us forward. There are a few signs. If you're on the victim side of the fence, you'll feel stuck. You'll typically have anxiety. You'll feel disempowered. You'll feel like you need to follow and need advice outside of you. It will feel like you're cornered.
and you'll be in blame mode.
And so any area in your life where you're doing any of those things, there are others too, other signals, but if you're doing any of that right now, you're at what I would call feeling at effect and fully in victimhood and victim mode. That side of the fence you actually can't change from. So if somebody's coming to see me, they're typically on that side of the fence in their perspective and their thinking, which makes total sense. It's completely human.
And we've all been there and I've got tons of empathy for it. Like you were mentioning earlier, know, it's like, get it. We do it. This is what we do because it's painful. However, our unconscious minds that's running us will take something called the quickest way to avoid. It's like the path of least resistance. So if we don't take responsibility and if we hide in that,
And if we go into victimhood and if we blame, it means the unconscious minds ducking out of having to heal it and expend that energy to change. you can't change from that place. However, as soon as we start to take responsibility for the emotions we feel, how are bodies responding?
perspective we have on something regardless of how somebody else has behaved and this is not about absolving people of their terrible heinous behaviors this is about how is my body responding? how do I feel when I react like that? what are the signals I'm feeling within me? because I'm creating those chemicals I'm creating that perspective and so it's keeping me stuck
But as soon as you start to shift that perspective, you start to take ownership. That's when you change. You can't change from victimhood and immediately you get generative positive emotions that take you from stuck state to feeling more empowered and like you have choice and you can change. And it is seemingly quite simple sounding, but that's a very hard gear shift. And so having the right kind of
coaching that can take you out of arm stroking, victimhood, yeah isn't that awful, of like anchoring it in style of talking therapy often, coaching, dare I say, to really empowering.
know, paradigm shifting, coaching, is that's the first step to rapid change. Otherwise, you're to be dragging your heels.
Sarita Buer (49:14)
Yeah. Yeah. And that's.
I feel like from people like you and me who are in these spaces, who've been in these spaces for a while, I've hired coaches to support me in this. I've gone to therapy, traditional therapy, more progressive therapy. I don't know the specific names for all of the things that I've tried, but I realized for me what has been the most supportive has been when I'm able to shift on the subconscious level, really. ⁓
Hypnosis, huge fan, hypnosis, anything that has to do with somatics and deep level work, that has been the most supportive for me. And I find that with that, the modality may look kind of the same across the board, but how it's approached per client and things like that makes it super unique for that person. And so that's what I really love about the work that you are doing is
It's not like a one size fits all cookie cutter. And I like that we are moving away from that in the personal development and therapy and coaching spaces is because people are realizing and people that are supporting other people on this, that there is, yes, an equation, just like you said, like it sounds simple in theory, just like
change your mindset sounds simple in theory, right? But it's so much more deeper than that. And so what I love about what you are doing and what I'm doing and more people are getting on board with this is creating systems and processes and tools for people that are going to be unique to them and what they need, right? And that's a beautiful thing in itself because...
Again, we can sit here and listen to a podcast episode, listen to Diane recommend all these things and say, you know, this is what you need to do. And at the end of the day, getting the support of what you need in that time is going to look different than if your friend or sister or brother goes in and gets similar work done. So that's, that's what I really, I really love. I wanted to shed some light on that because
Oftentimes we'll sit here and listen to things and be like, sounds simple. Let me try that at home. And as much as we attempt, I attempt to provide resources here on this podcast. I do want to point out that that is, there is deeper level shifts that get to happen within processes, especially when we're talking about like heartbreak and breakups and things like that.
Diane Beck (52:02)
When with the hypnosis, it's a key to a door to an unfathomably complex machine. And so it's about knowing where to go in that machine and which tool to use and how hard to tap, know, that's the skill. So what I prefer to teach people now having like done, know, all manner of, you know, therapies for all manner of things from deep traumas right the way through to
know, addictions, what have you. So this is what I focus on now working with women through the heartbreak transformation is teaching you that you're always in hypnosis actually, 96 % of the day. And it's how to recognise that and how to utilise the keys that we're given and not really typically taught and these soul signal keys that are kind of identified, which are really cool.
Sarita Buer (52:46)
Yes.
Diane Beck (52:59)
and to give you those keys so that you can find the route to yourself via them. But when you're guided properly to find that route cause it's a game changer. Trying to do that on your own is wild. I I was a therapist and coach who was trying to do it, right? It took me three years and I know what I'm doing and I'm doing it a long time. And so it's really hard to see your own blind spot, I suppose, if you want to put it that way, if you drive a car and it's really hard to see your own blind spot.
Sarita Buer (53:27)
Agreed.
Diane Beck (53:29)
So having somebody on the outside understanding the paradigms and looking at it is going to save you so much pain, so much resistance. And our time is not refundable, right? And time. And what I noticed with them as well within this sweet spot is you'll get this panic sense of, my God, I feel like I'm running out of time. I feel like I'm running out of time to get my life in order.
Sarita Buer (53:42)
Yes.
Diane Beck (53:57)
to try to do it yourself is you're wasting your time and you might get there but it might take you a really really long time do you have it? do you have that time?
Sarita Buer (54:11)
Right? Yeah. And that's what people like you and me are here for is to help collapse that time. So we don't have to put more energy into things and we can put energy into ourselves and then we can become, that's what I'm learning a lot on this nomadic lifestyle is how important my energetic frequency really is.
Diane Beck (54:20)
Absolutely. Yeah.
Sarita Buer (54:39)
when it comes to my healing and putting so I can show my best, so I can be my best, I can put my best foot forward, so can have other people in my life see me for who I authentically am, not the crumble down, ⁓ heartbroken version of me, not that I have a lot of love for her, right? I went through that phase. And at the same time, realizing
that I'm worth it, that I can invest time and energy into things to help me to put my best foot forward in other aspects of my life.
Diane Beck (55:16)
beautiful. You become a leader and you become a leader of your own life, Sarita. I think we're craving leaders and leadership, but feminine leadership. And feminine leadership is the alchemization and the realignment to ourselves. And then we're sat in that powerful, feminine place and recognizing actually we create from the dark, from the womb space. We create from that, know, the void.
and the connection to the divine. They're extremely powerful. It's been very, very much distorted, of course, because it's terrifying to some systems out there. ⁓
Sarita Buer (55:54)
Yes, we so are. That's a whole other podcast
episode. I would love to talk to you more. Thank you so much, Diane. Oh, go ahead.
Diane Beck (56:01)
The feminine, yeah.
No, no, no, that was just to say the feminine is just, it's been quietened, hasn't it? And it's starting to rise. So all this work is really important.
Sarita Buer (56:11)
Yes, the feminine awakening.
I'm very excited to see ⁓ more to come on that. like I said, it's your work that you are doing that helps ignite that feminine energy. Again, it was never lost, but it's rediscovering that and becoming that spark and having that fire to hold. Because as we heal the self, especially us women,
the impact that we have with our children, our family, the other people, like it's massive. We're very community based. So yes, I'm very looking forward to seeing what occurs over the next few years when it comes to the rise of feminine energy and more people getting in to alignment with their true authentic selves. So thank you so much, Diane, for all that you've shared. I absolutely love how you articulated examples.
People can even visualize certain things throughout the episode. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Where can people find you? How can people work with you? If you have any workshops or ⁓ anything coming up, please go ahead and share that information so we can, and we'll make sure to put all that in the show notes as well.
Diane Beck (57:30)
great, thank you. Well, how you can find me is first of all, like there's my social media, which is Diane Beck coaching. So Diane with one N Beck coaching. And that's my Instagram and also my YouTube, which is why I do a lot of my kind of discussions on this and talk about how I'll break a lot. And you'll see a lot of the women's responses to and like amazing ways of watching women reconnect with their soul. There's a few of those which are really moving to watch. So if you kind of want examples of this, you can have a look at that.
And that's my website as well, Dianbeckcoaching.com. So that's where you can read more about what I do. And if you're interested, you can get some free downloads from the website. There's also a download that I'm going to give Sarita a link to as well, which is just unique for your listeners. And that's going to absolutely help kind of clear the whirlwind or the storm and just allow you to come back to yourself and quieten and begin to listen to that inner voice.
so that's a really lovely way in. So it's a guided meditation that is created that you can listen to and you'll have that link Sarita. ⁓
Sarita Buer (58:35)
Amazing.
Thank you so much. Yes, I'll make sure to share that with everybody. We'll have that in the show notes. Thank you so much again, Diane. Like I said, I would love to have a continued conversation with you. Maybe there could be a part two next year sometime. ⁓ But thank you so much again, not only for being a guest on the podcast, but the amazing, beautiful work that you're doing because it is so close to my heart and so close to home from my own personal experience. And I know other people, I'm sure, listening.
have had personal experiences as well that are similar to this. So again, that's amazing work and I really, really appreciate you so much. And I love your energy that you bring to the podcast. Thanks again.
Diane Beck (59:16)
you,
Sarita. Thank you so much. I've really enjoyed it. And likewise, I've really loved your energy and I've loved our chat. I'd love to do a part two. Maybe next year.
Sarita Buer (59:26)
Amazing.
love that. And thank you so much everyone for being here and as always, keep being the amazing you that you are. Take care.
