Sarita Buer (00:00)
Hey, hey, welcome back to Back to Here with Sarita, the new Manifesting Paradigm podcast. Really excited today to have Anita Aguilar on my show. She is also a manifestation coach and she's really been leaning a lot more into attracting your soulmate partner, your SP, your special person. And I've actually never had anybody on the podcast talk about this.
attracting love into your life. So Anita, I'm super stoked that you're here. Yay. Thank you so much for being here with me on the podcast today.
Anita Mae Aguilar (00:33)
Thanks for having me. I'm really excited to talk about this.
Sarita Buer (00:35)
Yay. I have been a follower of hers for a while. Like I followed her on her TikTok and also Instagram because she's Manifestation Coach. She's also, I believe, yeah, you live in California, correct? Like for a little while you were living in SoCal. Were you living in Southern California? OK. San Diego. OK, cool.
Anita Mae Aguilar (00:39)
Aww.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I was in San Diego and now I'm in San Francisco.
Sarita Buer (00:56)
So you were in San Diego. So I remember seeing something from you and it's really cool how we actually connected. I was.
Dating actively in San Diego post my breakup and just kind of to figure things out and then I was getting to the point where I was in the process of leaving San Diego and I just wanted to learn more about the aspect of love in general and self-love and it's been something that's been part of my journey and Within my manifestation journey, but even more so I would say
around October last year, I've invested in it actually, invested in coaching and things like that. And Anita and I initially met when she was doing a little master class on attracting your soulmate partner. I ended up being on her podcast. And so here we are. She's on mine now. So yes.
Anita Mae Aguilar (01:30)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, it just reminds me of like why I started my podcast. It wasn't only, to get stuff out there, but I think it was also a craving of these kind of conversations. So I'm really grateful that something that I put out there attracted you. And then now we're on this conversation. it was great having you as guests on my podcast.
Sarita Buer (02:01)
Thank you so much. And I really opened up a lot. I'll have the actual podcast episode we're referring to. But let's talk about you. I feel like when it comes to manifesting, kind of the two big hot zones that people really are attracted when it comes to manifestation is
manifesting abundance, which a lot of people relate to money, or manifesting the love of their life, I have an episode that I talk about this where I have used
manifestation, like being very clear and having a vision of the things that I really desire to manifest and attract a particular person into my life. And so I've done that. So I know it works and I love it. And I feel like there's so much information out there about how and what to do and stuff. So let's back up before we jump into the how tos and the steps and all that stuff.
Anita Mae Aguilar (02:40)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (02:53)
what attracted you to become a manifestation coach? And then we'll get into like how you met your partner and like all the things.
Anita Mae Aguilar (03:00)
Yeah,
I've always been a go-getter and I've always dreamt really big of what I want. Getting out of my small town in Nebraska was a really big goal of mine. Even just being here in California is a lot for me. Sometimes I look back and I think about who I would have been if I just stayed in Nebraska. I don't like to see things as right or wrong, but I do like to look at these pivotal points in my life where I made the conscious decision that I'm going to expand myself.
It's like physically, again, getting out of my location. It's getting out of a job that no longer aligns with me, getting out of relationships, friendships. And so for me, I've always been really passionate about my career and just being an entrepreneur. I've always wanted to move towards movie production world. How I actually got into manifestation was because I was starting
Sarita Buer (03:53)
Ooh.
Anita Mae Aguilar (03:56)
my business as a makeup artist.
And there was just so much spiritually that I was going through because I had to really learn to trust myself because at that time like I was the main thing that I was relying on it was my own beliefs my own like actions and so, you know when you're an entrepreneur I do believe that it makes you like Super spiritual because you have to believe in something bigger than what you can like physically see right then and there And that's kind how I got into the world of manifestation um like before podcast like I wouldn't say it was like
super before like they weren't non-existent but I would say like Joe Rogan was like the only person I felt like had a known podcast and that's when I started just listening to things on YouTube and eventually audio books and then podcasts that kind of taught me more about manifestation.
Sarita Buer (04:43)
I love that. That's very similar to me in my story as well, where I grew up in a city and left to come to California and just have had this sort of drive to want more and know that I meant for more and know that I meant to do some things that are not on the traditional path. And so I kind of fell into entrepreneurship.
Like it wasn't something that I had dreamed about. A lot of people I talked to are like, oh yeah, I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Not me, like I didn't even really have a concept about it and just falling into it. But you're so right being in the space of creation, digital creation, in building something from the ground up, like really causes you or pushes you to lean into your spirituality and your self-concept so much more than
just every day, like, you know, the every day. And so I really love that we have very similar and parallel stories in that. And so for you, it sounds like you gathered this information and what was kind of the next process after that?
Anita Mae Aguilar (05:34)
you
Sarita Buer (05:49)
You started listening to all these things. You got drawn in. start, assuming you started like kind of try and testing things out yourself and be like, my gosh, like this is amazing. And then you started teaching about it.
What was kind of that?
segue that was happening for you.
Anita Mae Aguilar (06:03)
Yeah, I definitely like to relate things to money because I think money was the biggest thing where I was like, I don't know why I'm working so hard and like it's just not working. Like I'm just not I'm always in the same predicament over and over again. So again, anytime I heard videos about that or like content about that, like it always resonated with me and I was like, OK, like something that they're saying is like clicking. And so I did things, you know, like you said, trial and error, like I did some manifesting techniques of like you wake
in the morning and do the five five five challenge have you heard about that although like again i don't go around telling everybody you need to do the five five five challenge but i do like to look back in my story of like okay i was just like i needed something to like help me believe that this is true that this works
Sarita Buer (06:35)
Yes.
Anita Mae Aguilar (06:48)
And so I, I think I found it on YouTube, but I just wrote down an affirmation every single day. And I think you write it. I don't remember how much, how many times, 45 times, like every single morning, something ridiculous. And I remember sometimes where I'd be like, literally like almost asleep and I'd just be like scribbling and then I'm like, And I would just write it every day for five days in a row. And it was for about $2,000 I was manifesting so that I could move here to California.
Sarita Buer (06:59)
Yeah.
Anita Mae Aguilar (07:16)
And like I wanted this money so that I could just literally have money to physically get out here And so I was writing it I was writing and I was writing it and then you know nothing really happens you just expect it to like drop in your bank account, you know and then I Got a call because I was an Army National Guard. I got a call while I was folding laundry again I like to say the specific place and setting and
laundry, it's like day five or whatever me doing this and I get a call from my sergeant and my sergeant was like hey Anita we got special two-week orders I called you specifically because I know you're still gonna be here for a month before you go to California so he called me out of all the people he could call and you know it's gonna be super easy we just need someone to go take this training and you'll get about like two thousand dollars yeah and I was like
Sarita Buer (08:02)
Wow. Chills.
Anita Mae Aguilar (08:05)
right? But
at the time, know, it's funny because like we can look back at that now and say like, wow, that's amazing. But at the time, I'm like, I have to work for the money. You know what I mean? Like I was I was really upset and almost this annoyed feeling of I have to go work for this, you know.
Sarita Buer (08:14)
Mm-hmm.
Anita Mae Aguilar (08:19)
But I did have to learn that there is a process of what your subconscious mind almost has to build. And this believability of, again, I've worked all of my life for money, and then I just expected to drop to my bank account.
And again, I had to like slowly incorporate the two worlds. And I do think like a lot of us kind of get stuck in that pattern where we're like, it's not the way I wanted it to happen. But it does come back to like being gratitude and just testing out new things. Just test it out.
Sarita Buer (08:39)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, That story is such a great testament that things unfold so much differently than we imagine them as. And like you're saying, you have this perception. And I think a lot of people do when they come into the manifestation world or when they start learning about law of attraction, law of assumption, all the different laws and spirituality and stuff that it's something that is like, quote unquote, magic. When I mean, like, I guess an explanation would be that it is magic, but
at the same time. There's a lot of science behind it. I've mentioned that many times in this podcast but I love how you share that it's basically our internal world needs to catch up with our external world. So it's like this kind of stair stepping that's happening, providing yourself like a foundational basis, which you did with like listening to podcasts and books and things like, okay, let's try this out. Like I really want to, I tried this like five five five method, you know? And so
really training the subconscious, retraining the mind and making that stabilized and then making that first step. I related to going to the gym all the time in this podcast where it's like, don't expect anybody, like my trainer, if I had a trainer, they wouldn't expect me to go into the gym to squat 200 pounds, some crazy amount, right off the bat.
Anita Mae Aguilar (09:51)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (10:03)
Like we're starting small and that's how it is with manifesting and believing, I should say, like our mind and believing what could be possible, what is possible. We have to create that foundation first and then just work our way up to that. I mean, there are times when people manifest these ginormous things right off the bat. And at the same time, that could be their process in that they need to learn how to maintain and stabilize it.
will stair step their way to things. So it's really like everybody has a different experience. So I love that you shared that.
Anita Mae Aguilar (10:35)
Yeah, I love sharing the little stories and I like analogies and especially the gym analogies right now because I've been going consistently for the past couple weeks
Sarita Buer (10:46)
Yeah, what you focus on expands. let's talk about, because we're going to talk about the attraction, right, with attracting your significant other, the person, the specific person. There are so many words people use out there. We'd love to know. So what is your story with that? Because you were a manifestation coach, Doing that, practicing, teaching.
I know that your podcast and like your approach to things has been in the past like all about money, but I love that. And you can get into this in a little bit after you tell me the story of how you met. But my understanding and from my own personal experience and from what I've like heard other manifestation coaches and people that teach attraction is that the steps that you take in order to manifest money is actually very similar to the steps that you take to manifest a partner.
Anita Mae Aguilar (11:13)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (11:35)
into your life. So, would love for us to like discuss that. But let's talk about how you met your significant other, because that's always like such a beautiful, amazing thing to share when it comes to, you know, attracting love into your life. Like the magic of actually like discovering that person and maintaining that relationship.
Anita Mae Aguilar (11:35)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love talking about this so much. Mostly because like again, I had to build a relationship with money first. Like as if it was a person, you know, I know maybe people have heard of these examples of like, know, pretend money is your like sugar daddy or your boyfriend or whatever and it's like, you have a certain idea of what that looks like because we have again,
Sarita Buer (11:56)
Yay, awesome.
So cool.
Yes.
Anita Mae Aguilar (12:17)
maybe an image of what our ideal relationship would look like with money. But there was a lot of things that I also had to learn again in this relationship with money that it wasn't all about the shiny things. It wasn't about just like go getting my nails done and you know going on vacation, doing all the fun stuff. Like if you want a really healthy relationship with money, you have to also respect the boundaries.
Because if money is like, hey, like you're kind of stretching me thin a little bit. You're making me a little anxious. You're kind of getting out of alignment and you're not listening to that. Then we again, getting these cycles and then we start to blame ourselves. But really, again, if you're looking at it, looking at it like a relationship, it goes both ways. And so you really, again, I think respecting boundaries and communicating with money.
communicating with money it might actually be communicating with your debt collectors. It might be communicating with people you know that owe you money and maybe you have been avoiding them because you feel bad for asking them pay you back. Like those are ways that I had to like learn to communicate with money about money talk about it freely and like be vulnerable especially with money and it also kind of played a role in like my relationships because a lot of
relationships that I was attracting. Again I'm looking for the nice dates and they're gonna pay for everything and it's gonna like you know we're gonna go on vacation we're gonna like you know I'm looking at all the benefits but I wasn't really looking at the things that were gonna like have this set boundaries that I had when it came to the not so sexy side about being in a relationship.
Sarita Buer (13:59)
That's so powerful. I love that. That is so, powerful to have that. Even boundaries when it comes to your relationship with money, that's so important. So I love that. That's where you started. That's the basis because essentially money, and I had this communicated to me a couple years ago when I was going through a very intensive like money healing journey, and I still am, but that never stops. But money is very like,
Anita Mae Aguilar (14:23)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (14:25)
Money is a very masculine thing. So for us who are women who are attracting a masculine into our lives, having a healthy relationship with money, which is a masculine type of energy, is a really, really great place to start. I love that you shared that. And so then that molded and phased into it sounds like having a
Anita Mae Aguilar (14:28)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (14:48)
more in-depth relationship with self, right? That was the next step.
Anita Mae Aguilar (14:51)
Yep, think, well I think, because I went to New York for like a year.
And like my goal for going to New York was like, I'm going to manifest the love of my life. This was like my goal. And, you know, I think when you have that mentality and again, I'm a I'm a romcom girlie. love all the romcoms, but I just feel like manifesting this really made me like, Anita, are you actually watching these romcoms? Because everything that you're looking for is actually right.
Sarita Buer (15:12)
Me too.
Anita Mae Aguilar (15:23)
in front of you. And so what I mean by that is like when I went to New York again, I'm manifesting the love of my life and I'm like, okay, things are good. And then I realized that
The love of my life wasn't the partner that I was manifesting. It was healing my relationship with God, source, creator, again, the masculine energy that created the universe. And I had to like, again, reestablish my relationship with God because I had been diving into spirituality and I've been manifesting and talking to the universe. But I did believe that I did have like a lot of subconscious, like beliefs about God, what it looked like, what it felt like.
God to come back into my life and say, like, I thought that I had it all figured out, but I really, really don't. And I started to surrender and surrender and surrender and eventually led me out of New York. And then I moved back home with my family. And that was another, like another part of the process again, that I wasn't expecting.
I thought I was just going to go right into my relationship with my partner. So first it was my relationship with God and then relationship with my family. And then when I moved out of my hometown, I met my partner one month after.
Sarita Buer (16:27)
Yeah.
Wow. Wow, that's so powerful. So creating a healthy relationship with money, then redeveloping the relationship with God-sourced universe. I love this. is so like, this is very like parallel to where I am. I haven't manifested my specific person yet. I have not been putting energy into that because I've been putting so much energy into self. But it just sounds very, very parallel to my experience.
post-bankruptcy for me, healing, going really a lot deeper into money and having that and developing a more safe relationship with God's source universe. I thought I was a victim for a very long time. I don't think I ever really communicated that outwardly, but it was a thought. I was very subconsciously deep within my psyche. And so I kept having these things, trials and errors and all these frustrating things happen to me. And so one of the biggest things that...
Anita Mae Aguilar (17:20)
Mmm.
Sarita Buer (17:31)
I learned to develop was a more regulated nervous system and safe nervous system in tandem with my relationship with God Source Universe in knowing and trusting like I am being taken care of. And to this day now, I very much believe like a hundred and eleven percent every cell in my body that I'm safe, taken care of, for. Like I've said that mantra over and over and over and over and over again. And
Anita Mae Aguilar (17:41)
Mmm. β
Sarita Buer (17:59)
did EFT and all these things. So that just sounds so familiar with what happens, you know, what's happened with me. And so oddly enough, like I'm on this like 52 week road trip and one of my stops, my pit stops is I'm actually really wanting to go back to St. Louis, which is where I grew up and where my family is. So I'm like, my God, this is like very similar to what Anita is talking about. This is wild. So, okay, so let's get back to you.
Anita Mae Aguilar (18:15)
β Wow.
Sarita Buer (18:24)
So with your relationship with your family, what was unpacking during that time? What was coming forth with you when it came to developing a sense of security and love and all that when it came to family? Because we talked about money, we talked about God's source universe, now family. was coming forth with that?
Anita Mae Aguilar (18:46)
I think it also goes back to my relationship with God of like this idea that we want something and God wants something different for us. It's so opposite, like God wants for us what we want for ourselves. And a lot of times we think that they're two separate things. And really when you start to...
Acknowledge that you do want the same things. It's just that God wants to get you there a little bit differently Because you're like a little kid in the candy store. I want this candy. I want the candy. I want the candy. It's like, okay. Yeah. Yeah I know that you want this candy this toy this experience But like let's go eat breakfast first. Let's go do this first. Let's go to school first You know just little things like that and I felt like
Like God wanted to be a part of the process, but I was just going at a rate that was that was exciting for me that was exciting to social media that was exciting for people who are watching my story and So when I went back home to my family, it was like really really hard for me. I felt so vulnerable
New York was supposed to be it for me. It was supposed to be where I was grounded. Right. It was supposed to be like where I grounded myself and where everything happened for me. And then like for my older sister to kind of step in and say like, look, Anita can I tell you something? It wasn't like, you need to do this or you need to do that. It was like, can I tell you something? And I was like.
Sarita Buer (19:54)
Final destination. Yeah.
Anita Mae Aguilar (20:15)
Yes. And she told me like, Anita, why don't you just get grounded a little bit? Like you're just wanting to get to where you're going so bad that like you're really risking like everything just to get there. Why don't you just spend time with family a little bit? Why don't you just like be here a little bit? And I was just like, no, no, no, no, no. And I think just like I just started crying in that moment when she told me this, not because of what she was saying.
is because I was like receptive to it. And I do believe that's what a relationship is. Like even today, like last night, Mika and I, Mika is my partner. His name is Mikael, but I call him Mika. He was telling me like, okay, you're doing all these different projects and you're feeling scattered.
And you're telling me every single day you're telling me you're feeling overwhelmed and you know you're taking a nap in the middle of the day because you just you're not getting anything done and I'm just like you know I'm complaining and then here he is like on the outside looking in of like hey can I say something? And I truly believe that's what love is. Love is love is saying hey I know you're in this right now but may I say something?
Sarita Buer (21:16)
Right.
Anita Mae Aguilar (21:25)
And then the other part of love is, yes, and I will listen to you and I'll try not to be defensive, you know, and I will take things that feel right and I'll leave the things that don't, you know, just because someone is coming to you with their perspective doesn't necessarily mean that you have to take everything what they say for like verbatim.
and do it. But I do believe like in the beginning of my manifestation process, it's like my walls were just up so much because I had to break so many patterns in order to get to where I wanted to go, right? Because if I take my sister's advice in that moment when I'm just now finding out who I am, my own beliefs, like I do believe I did need my walls up.
Sarita Buer (21:44)
Right.
Anita Mae Aguilar (22:05)
But now I'm at a place where I'm like, okay, I want to get where I'm going, but I want to bring my family with me. I want to bring God with me. I want to bring my partner with me. I want to bring my dog with me. Like, you really have to open yourself up and say like, okay, I'm willing to listen, but they also have to do the same.
Sarita Buer (22:21)
Yeah, I love that. So beautiful. So we're having this perception, right? We have this perception that like love is different when we're in a partnership versus the love that we actually express and experience with our family. It's actually at its core part is the same, like exactly what you're talking about.
Anita Mae Aguilar (22:34)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (22:41)
The experience that you just had with your sister and her being like, hey, can I make a suggestion? Your significant other saying the same thing, right? Hey, can I make a suggestion? Being in the receptivity mode, being in the β surrender mode,
creates such a good foundation for creating a more healthy, sustainable, long-term relationship is when you do have the perception that love isn't just a romantic thing like you're saying, like rom-com. We do. I have to say, not only am I a rom-com fan, I'm also a moon in Pisces, which we're very ethereal. So we make this whole love story up in our brain that hasn't even happened. And it's like when we end up...
Anita Mae Aguilar (23:12)
Mmm.
Sarita Buer (23:20)
I mean, we'll go on like a date with somebody. have this whole like a love story, like plan, like literally like thought daydreamed out and then reality hits. Right.
We've just been thrown these stories at at us, like thinking that romance is like the end all goal,
having that significant other is going to make us like the happy version of ourselves.
I saw this recently on social media, post, we're taught from a very young age as women, as girls, well, more girls, and then we grow up as two women. We're taught to find somebody, whereas men are taught to be somebody, which is very interesting.
Anita Mae Aguilar (23:54)
β
Sarita Buer (23:55)
And it's so true, like I just reflect back and I'm like, even though my mom was not intentionally teaching that, I think as a single mom, like she was also wanting me to find stability and stability was a job, a partner, a home, like all that, right? Like it was like, that's what she desired and craved for me. She wasn't pushing me to be like, go date, go find somebody, right? But it was like her version of security was,
Anita Mae Aguilar (24:13)
Mmm.
Sarita Buer (24:22)
Home, job, significant other, right? Because it was like she didn't have all that. So yes, I love all this. Kind of really coloring outside the definition of what we think like love really is.
Anita Mae Aguilar (24:24)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, absolutely. I do want to touch on like what you just said about like this idea of like, okay, stability because you have this person. I also think about that about my friends too, because I have some friends who I just love. They're just the most beautiful, like they're like my soulmates. Like I actually thought that when I met my partner that I would have this soulmate connection where we would just look at each other and we would just know. I've never felt that with my partner, but I've always felt that with my best friends.
Sarita Buer (25:03)
Fascinating.
Anita Mae Aguilar (25:03)
Like,
and you know, it's always interesting to me because I was like, again, in the movies they teach you that's that's with, yeah, right? But I've always found the people that I found the spark with romantically, this is just for me, that.
Sarita Buer (25:09)
The Spark.
Anita Mae Aguilar (25:16)
the spark in those moments weren't sustainable. Like they were in the moment and I enjoyed them while they lasted, but I didn't put any pressure on them and they just faced out. And with my partner now, it was a slow burn. I didn't feel sparks right away. I was like, hey, he's okay. Let's see where this goes. And then when you get in a slow burning relationship, that's when they start to like spark until you have an actual flame. And then it's your job to keep the flame.
going because I can wake up today and say I feel disconnected from my partner. He did this and he did that and he's not this but like I'm actually choosing to put the flame out when I do that and I think it's really important to acknowledge like we talked about in the beginning of this it's like am I like consciously choosing to be closer or further to my from my partner today and
You know, I also think about like me with my partner, the dynamic of us, and I've always been this free spirited and you know, nobody knows where I'm at. My phone's never charged. My room is always messy, like always. And my partner is a complete opposite of me.
Sarita Buer (26:21)
hehe
Anita Mae Aguilar (26:25)
His phone is always charged. he's extremely reliable. In his friend group when he was a kid, he would tell, his friends would tell their moms that they were hanging out with Mikael. Then like, okay, if you're with him, then you're okay. That was his dynamic. Yeah, right? And so like, I think...
Sarita Buer (26:38)
Safe zone. Yeah.
Anita Mae Aguilar (26:44)
You know, sometimes I think about like from the outside perspective, my mom's not here in California with me. You know, my dad's not here in California with me. They don't know where I am half of the time, but they've met Mika. They've like, seen who he is as a person and maybe felt like security.
if she's with him, no matter where she's at, she's okay.
Sarita Buer (27:03)
That's beautiful. Really taking care of with the masculine. I love that. So let's get into how you actually met him.
We did the relationship with money, relationship with God's source universe, family. And you said one month after that, you met Mikael. What was the...
process or what was kind of the experience with that? Was it intentional manifesting? it like, like a lot of people are told like, write a list, write down what you want to manifest, become the person you want to, you know, attract into your life. What was the what was leading up to that?
But was there anything additional that you were writing down or being intentional about?
Anita Mae Aguilar (27:40)
Yeah, I would actually go back.
two years because again I went to New York to find my partner and even though I wasn't consciously manifesting them in that moment I was still making little notes and like things that I admired and so like when I went back home to Nebraska I didn't really have anything else to focus on so I really was thinking about a partner and there was some people I was like dating and things like that but they didn't really like go anywhere.
And I would do this one thing. My twin sister and I actually used to do this a lot. We would like, let me see if I can go back here. I would stand in the mirror and I would like envision him like right here. And I would just go like this. And then I would like put my arms like this as if his arm is like this.
And I would just like feel that and just sit there for like maybe 20 seconds and just look at myself. And then also in the shower, like my way to like calm my nervous system is like I turn the lights off when I shower. It drives my roommates crazy because they're like, is anyone in there? But I have all my like candles on and I have music playing, R &B music or whatever. And that's just like how I decompress. And then I would just go like this in the shower. There's nobody here, but I would just go like this.
And I would just put my head down like on his chest. And now when I do my hair in the morning, I'm putting my makeup on, Mika comes up right behind me and he puts his arms around me and he stands in the exact same spot that I was visualizing. And when we take a shower, again, same thing, we'll just...
Sarita Buer (29:04)
Wow.
Anita Mae Aguilar (29:09)
Literally water just falling on us and we're just like holding each other. And that's honestly like those moments where he like, I also think it's like how perfectly my head fits on his chest.
Sarita Buer (29:21)
Wow.
Anita Mae Aguilar (29:21)
Like things like that is what I was doing. it wasn't like, again, those are more tangible things that visualization things, but I do think the list was part of it, but I don't like, if I was telling someone now, I wouldn't tell them to fully like rely on the list. I would tell them to rely on like, how do you want to feel? Because the more that you can make it less about them.
Sarita Buer (29:27)
course.
Anita Mae Aguilar (29:43)
and more about you because for me I had no problem attracting men like attractive guys like charismatic guys you know but it was more about like okay who am I when these people come around me because when I met Mika even like maybe not our first date but like our second date
I'm goofy, like I'm an extrovert and I love talking. When I get around him, I'm like, you can't get me to stop talking. And that was something that I acknowledged of like, oh, this is something I'm realizing about myself. I noticed when I'm with people who were different,
Like I'm attracted to them in a different way.
I'm like more of like sitting up straight and I'm like fixing my hair and I'm like self-conscious about my makeup and I'm sheltering what I'm saying because I'm like nervous what they might think and like again, it's not really about them. It's more about me, the version I am with them. And so that was something I've really, really paid attention to when I met Mika because it made me acknowledge what made me feel safe.
Sarita Buer (30:54)
that's so beautiful. So I love that you pointed out that not necessarily to be looking at the list and like tangible, right? Like it's not necessarily about like what it is that you are getting from this person, like receiving from this person. It's more about who you are becoming and who you are wanting to be around that person, right? What they evoke in you.
Anita Mae Aguilar (31:09)
Mm-hmm.
Sarita Buer (31:19)
versus the experience you're having because of them or because of what they're bringing to the table or the energy that they're exuding from this list of things that you're having. So I really love that you point that out when you are intentionally wanting to manifest somebody into your life. so, yeah, how did you all meet? Did you meet in Nebraska or was it in California?
Anita Mae Aguilar (31:41)
So
I had just β moved here to San Francisco. My twin sister lives here and we met on Hinge. I'm a Hinge advocate. I do think Hinge is a place where people are more intentional with... Yeah. And even things like that. I'm just like...
Sarita Buer (31:49)
Love it.
Hinge success story.
Anita Mae Aguilar (31:59)
know if I want to be a dating app successor and then I get in my head about it like oh well maybe I could have met someone a different way and this and that and this and that but I think that kind of goes back to the example I was saying earlier like am I accepting or rejecting this and so yeah we met on hinge we had first of all we live in two different spots in the bay like 40 minutes apart
and we didn't really message that much on the app but I could tell from his pictures that he was like European or something like not maybe not European but he was foreign. I knew that he wasn't from here from his photos. His photos were horrible by the way I just want to add that out. I was like really?
Sarita Buer (32:41)
I
Anita Mae Aguilar (32:41)
And
Sarita Buer (32:41)
it.
Anita Mae Aguilar (32:42)
I still joke about it. was like, really? I was like, it wasn't the photos that got me, honey. Because you couldn't see his face in any of them. And then he had photos with friends. There's a part in the app where you can like swipe people that you're interested in. But there's another part of the app where you can just swipe people who've already liked your profile.
Sarita Buer (33:00)
Gotcha.
Anita Mae Aguilar (33:00)
And so I also think that kind of plays into the like, I wasn't hoping this person would like me. I was like, okay, these people, I already know that they're interested in me. And something about that I do want to point out because I think that's why I really enjoyed that app more. But yeah, so he asked me if I want to meet halfway because again, we're like 40 minutes apart. And I was like, no.
Sarita Buer (33:08)
Right, right, right.
Anita Mae Aguilar (33:22)
I was like, I don't know you, I don't have a car, I'm not from the city. And I was like, again, even if I say yes, is that gonna be forever? Like, if we date, he's gonna have to come here anyway.
It literally took me so much to say, no, I don't feel comfortable with that. And I thought that was gonna be it.
And then he was like, okay, what area are you and I'll come to you. And I was just like, right? I was just like, and.
Sarita Buer (33:44)
Nice.
Anita Mae Aguilar (33:49)
Yeah, so he came to me. We had our first date. Okay, mind you, he came from like 45 or 45, 50 minutes away, probably longer with traffic. He was there earlier than me. And again, we just had a normal dinner date and I'm like, of like, you know, being a little guarded. I actually was reading this book. It just so happens to be right here.
Sarita Buer (33:58)
Well.
Not
your mother's rules. Yes, I have. The new secret for dating. I'm just reading it out so people that are listening to it on Apple or Spotify can know what we're referencing. Great book.
Anita Mae Aguilar (34:13)
not your... Have you heard about this? Okay, yeah, it's that was...
Yep.
And so he came to me and then we right off the bat we're talking about where he's from. I could not guess it for the life of me. He has the thickest French accent but my brain literally could not comprehend. He was like, I'm from somewhere in Europe that everybody wants to go.
So I can't even name two places in Europe. Like I was like, uh, uh, like my geography is so bad.
I could not guess it and finally he told me, from France. And I was like, right, right, right. And we talked about travel. He travels a lot with his friends in France and obviously he's here in America. He's only been here for like two years, like when we first met. I think that alone was a really interesting fact to me because it says so much about someone, know, willing to be so vulnerable and come to a different place.
Sarita Buer (35:19)
Yeah,
to uproot themselves and try something new, that does speak volumes, yes.
Anita Mae Aguilar (35:24)
and last funny story about our first date but we got dinner and then we went to go get just some tea or something like at a restaurant that was next door and we go in there and the server like comes up to me at the bar and he goes are you Anita Acula?
And I was like, yes, I am. Like I just thought that I was like so famous or something, because he came up to me. Maybe he recognized like my TikTok or something that's happened to me before. And then he goes like, you dropped your ID outside and somebody came and turned it in. And I was like, that's so embarrassing. That was our first date.
Sarita Buer (35:48)
Wow.
Right, right.
β wow. That was on the first said their first date? Your
first date. That's so funny. You're thinking that it was like, yes, that's who I am. I'm famous. I love it.
Anita Mae Aguilar (36:16)
It was
so embarrassing, yeah, that was our first typical like going out to eat.
Sarita Buer (36:21)
Yeah, that's so much fun. And just I wanted to go back to something you were saying earlier that I don't think I mentioned or kind of recapped was you were saying how you were feeling this, like there wasn't the spark, know, the traditional spark that you you thought that you would have felt or experienced or you had experience with the people that you dated in the past or seen in movies And then experiencing that with certain friends So I love that.
the development of this relationship has been something that has been so stable from the beginning. I'm not downplaying sparks and I'm not saying you can't develop relationships from spark energy, because that's definitely possible. Because I do believe in like past lives and soulmates and twin flames and like all that. And also like there are karmic relationships that commence in this lifetime too, right?
there is the stabilized relationship that's commenced here and maybe your souls didn't know each other before. And like now you're commencing this beautiful and amazing relationship in this lifetime. Sorry for those that are listening, you're like, that's a little too woo for me, but that's some of the things that I personally believe in.
Anita Mae Aguilar (37:26)
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (37:28)
Just lead us through quickly, like what going from there and deciding to be in a relationship and like how manifestation and self-love and some of these things have really played a part in this process in your relationship with Mikhail.
Anita Mae Aguilar (37:45)
Yeah, I do have a really unique story about this and it was something that really it ties to what you just said. It's hard for me to talk about it without crying, but I think I do think that there's room for a part two here if you're open to it.
Sarita Buer (37:58)
Love it, I'm always down
for part twos.
Anita Mae Aguilar (38:00)
but that karmic.
past life, love. I did find it while I was in a relationship with Mika And...
It was just so interesting because even though we found each other again, and Mika and I have talked about this too, like we were never meant to be together.
And it was so interesting again, because you think that when you find that person and you have the sparks and everything aligns that that's what it's supposed to be. And it took me a really long time to acknowledge that even if things did pan out that way, it wasn't the path that I chose. And so long story short, again, I met someone who I felt was my soulmate and he passed away.
in a car accident.
Sarita Buer (38:39)
Hmm.
I'm so sorry.
Anita Mae Aguilar (38:40)
and Mika was there for me.
and he knew that.
there was some sort of connection, even though there was never lines any cross, it was just like a knowing. And the fact that I think that was my biggest fear. what if I find somebody who's more alignment, who is more connected to me, more spiritual, it was my biggest fear. And then it happened and I had to acknowledge
this is the path that I've chosen and I think a lot of people get super stagnant with this belief of I'm gonna find this person, I'm gonna find this person, I'm gonna find this person and then we're gonna be together. And I just felt so grateful that it came into my life even though I didn't experience it the way that I thought that I would. And that.
Mika was able to be there for me in that time, even though it was so hurtful for him to experience. And to me, that's what love is. Because I feel a lot of people, get into relationships, and then they find that spark, and then they leave it.
Sarita Buer (39:34)
Wow.
Anita Mae Aguilar (39:40)
and they go start somewhere new because they think somewhere new is where they're supposed to be, not what the path that they've chosen. But it really forces, like when you do that, you actually create this pattern where you're constantly looking for something outside of your relationship, outside of your decisions that you made. And that's why I believe that like cheating happens so much, dishonesty, the fact that I could actually be honest with Mika and honest with myself,
And we were still there for each other was such a big deal to me. And there's a movie that's called Past Lives. Girl, you gotta watch that movie because... Yeah, it's a new one. I think it was like maybe last year, man, that movie made me cry so much because I was wow. she paved a whole new road for herself. And then she wanted to come back to an old life.
Sarita Buer (40:14)
I'm trying to remember who's in that. I don't think I've seen it.
Anita Mae Aguilar (40:30)
that she completely again, she decided to build this different life, get out of her comfort zone, create this new atmosphere. And that movie is just a really good representation of what I'm talking about because love to me is showing up to people.
when they're vulnerable, staying committed, staying honest, communicating. Because if you can't do that in the relationship that you're in right now, nothing's gonna change when you go towards that spark, towards that interest, towards the people who like the same music as you.
it's so much more than having a spark with someone. It's about really choosing to be with them every single day.
Sarita Buer (41:10)
Anita, that's so profound. And thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing that story.
I felt that in my heart and
it emulates such truth in relationships and relationship dynamics that having a choice and sticking with the choice and being loyal and being in your commitment, with
not only that other person, but the path that you've chosen, right? The path that you desire to take. And it's so easy for us. And I'm very guilty of this
Wanting to go after that shiny object, that thing that's going to bring us like temporary joy, bring us temporary satisfaction. It's exciting, it's fun, it's all that.
Anita Mae Aguilar (41:41)
you
Sarita Buer (41:52)
That just really is such a great way to actually tie everything together so beautifully that it really comes down to, like you were saying, the commitment and choice and desire to be vulnerable with each other and be there for each other through whatever situation experience and the fact that Mikael stayed with you.
during that whole experience, there was a choice on his end too, right? Like he could have walked away and been like, this would have been the easier thing. Many people do that, unfortunately. They will choose the easier path because they don't have to deal with the emotional commitment, right?
But the fact that he chose to stay and be committed within that and you as well, like talk about alignment, girl. That's alignment right there. I love that. That's so beautiful.
Anita Mae Aguilar (42:39)
Yeah, thank you for listening.
Sarita Buer (42:40)
I love, love, love that. Well, we're almost at the end of the episode, which I'm really bummed about.
to kind of wrap things up, I love everything that we've talked about and the process, your process. That's one of the things that I love sharing in this podcast is people's processes, like how they got to be where they are now. Like what were the steps, right? What were the things that they personally did like to, to manifest?
Anita Mae Aguilar (42:47)
you
Sarita Buer (43:05)
the life that they're living right now. So for somebody, and I know we've covered a lot of information, but if you were to give like some final little words of wisdom with the things that we've talked about in regards to the manifestation, and attracting your partner and things. And this is like, I'm getting this advice from you too, like this wisdom, because I'm at the place where
Anita Mae Aguilar (43:08)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (43:27)
I'm working on myself and healing myself. I'm on this nomadic journey, which is like all about me and learning and discovering all sorts of things about myself that I didn't even realize. Being stationary in one city for 20 some years, like all these things are coming up.
But so for somebody that's kind of in this place, right? Where we're thinking about it. We're wanting to change all the things, becoming that version. What are some final kind of words of wisdom that you have for somebody that's in that space right now?
Anita Mae Aguilar (43:55)
β great question. I am a Virgo, so I do like to have structure. So I'm glad that we're talking about this. And I would say this kind of goes back to even my money teachings. And it might be a little bit like flip-sided, I guess, what most people would think about manifestation. But I always tell people, like, start where it hurts.
Sarita Buer (44:00)
of it.
Anita Mae Aguilar (44:16)
because if you can really get clear on the ways that you don't believe that you're lovable, that...
is what's gonna help you release anything that's bringing you down. Because you're already born, again, at the highest vibrational state. And then we have things that happen that make us believe that we're not lovable, we're not lovable. So the more that you can get super nitty gritty vulnerable with yourself with the things that have like, I don't think I'm lovable because I don't clean my room. I don't think I'm lovable because I'm really clumsy. I don't think I'm lovable because I don't have self-discipline.
I think one practical step that I would have for people is to write down a list of all of the reasons why you don't believe you're lovable.
and then allow someone to love you for those things. So again, you can get clear on this list all day long and say like, I'm not lovable. Again, I always come back to cleanliness because a lot of the videos that you see on social media is like, the wife is like, my husband is so messy. I'm the messy husband. And.
Sarita Buer (45:20)
You're that person in the relationship.
Anita Mae Aguilar (45:23)
And
that, yeah, I am 100 % that person. And there's parts of like where I knew Mika was the one for me because I would make a mess and something and he would be like, it's okay. And then he would not only clean it up for me, but I would watch how he cleaned it up.
like you know when an ice cube drops underneath and then you kick it under the fridge. Little things like that. It picks up the ice cube, you put it this way, it gets a paper towel so that way it doesn't bleed into the wood floor. And I was just like, that's so much work. And I think there's little things like that that just made me a better version of myself. And it also like showed me of like...
Sarita Buer (45:44)
Yeah. Right.
Right.
Anita Mae Aguilar (46:01)
I can be accepted, can be loved, I can be like messy and I can be quirky and talk too much and cry a lot and somebody's gonna be there for me. And so the more that I got clear again on that list of the things that I don't think I'm lovable for, I received so much love and support and I knew Mika was the one for me because of that list.
Sarita Buer (46:22)
Wow, I'm writing that list for myself. I love that exercise. Very much love that exercise. I'm definitely gonna make that happen for myself because I have a long list of things. Ooh, I would say, well, you mentioned crying. I do, I cry often. I do cry really often and I get very emotional over things.
Anita Mae Aguilar (46:32)
What? Tell me, okay, tell me three things. What's your top three right now?
Sarita Buer (46:46)
I feel very deeply, like I said, going back to the moon in Pisces, I feel very deeply about certain things. And one of the things that I know in the past that has been pointed out to me is I have a very deep empathy for social justice and anything environmental or animal oriented. So I get very sensitive and very like protective and I get emotional about those type of things.
So yes, definitely would love to have somebody who's like understands my level of empathy for certain causes, certain things that are important. I would say, gosh, another one. I like to have, I'm not a Virgo, but I am an Aries. I'm a double Aries. And so for me, I definitely leave room for.
going with the flow, because again, my moon in Pisces lets me just kind of go with the flow. Like I'm down for whatever kind of thing. And at the same time, like I'm a very structured person. So it's kind of like, OK, what's the vision? What's the plan? What's the outcome? What's the desired sort of thing that we're working towards? So I would say that's important that I feel like I've
Anita Mae Aguilar (47:50)
Mm.
Sarita Buer (47:54)
sometimes been given a hard time about because it's like, okay, let's bring it back to what we're doing now. Let's recap. What's happening? Where are we going? What are we doing? What's another one? Third one. I would say, you know what? I'm actually like, so my process of messy, I've noticed this and I didn't really realize this living in one place for as long as I was living.
But because I move around nomadically so much, I acknowledge that I tornado through rooms. So like my bedroom, or the place that I'm staying, right? Like I unpack my clothing and just kind of throw it. When I undress, like throw things in a place. don't put them in a hamper. I don't have a hamper. So I'm like throwing things on the floor. like in the kitchen, I'm busy doing things.
Anita Mae Aguilar (48:29)
Mmm.
Mmm.
Sarita Buer (48:43)
you know, working on my business or working on the podcast or doing my work from home gig or doing something else, taking care of the pet. I'm whirlwinding through the kitchen, like making a meal and then just throw everything in the in the sink. And like, I don't clean up as I go. I do clean up eventually, like that same day, always that same day, just not that moment. So I will have a time later on after I start decompressing and put in my AirPods and start listening to a book.
Anita Mae Aguilar (49:03)
Yep, same, same.
Sarita Buer (49:10)
And then I go into cleaning the house and over clean, just clean so I can relax and ease into my evening. But while I'm in the process of that person just needs to be OK with chaos, chaos, chaos. But chaos is going to be gone by like 5 PM. OK? Promise that. So thank you for asking that. I haven't shared that with anybody. So appreciate you bringing that to light for me.
Anita Mae Aguilar (49:26)
Yep.
Yeah. Well,
I can honestly say, even if it's a friend who loves and accepts you like that, you know what I mean? Obviously we want our partner to do that, but you really have to let someone love you the way that you are as much as possible, and the more that we can acknowledge the things that like...
it's not okay for me to cry. It's not okay for me to be emotional or be political, and talk about politics even it makes other people uncomfortable. we really have to get comfortable with that version of ourselves and then it just allows someone else to actually come in and love all of us, not just the parts that we want them to love.
Sarita Buer (50:11)
So beautifully said. Thank you so much, Anita. This has been an amazing, amazing episode. I know we've had a lot of juicy information in here. I can't wait to share this with my audience. Thank you so much for being here with Back to Here with Saritha, the new Manifesting Paradigm podcast. You are amazing. I love your story. And we'll have all the information about how people can get in touch with you for following your journey with manifesting.
Anita Mae Aguilar (50:27)
Yes.
Thank you.
Sarita Buer (50:38)
I know you still teach a little bit about the β manifesting money, but I know your main venture is about the love aspect. So definitely follow Anita with that and reach out to her for any types of questions. Again, thank you so much, Anita, for being with us today.
Anita Mae Aguilar (50:51)
Thanks.
Thank you for having me.
Sarita Buer (50:54)
Bye, take care everybody, we'll see you next time.
