Sarita Buer (00:00)
Hello, welcome back to another episode of Back to Here with Sarita and a new Manifesting Paradigm podcast. As you may see, I'm in a different scene again. I just started my nomadic journey here. But this episode is actually not about me. This is about Becky and her work.
Super excited to have you here, Becky, and we'll be talking about feeling safe in the body and bio-hacking your body to heal your trauma. So thank you so much for being here on the podcast.
Rebecca Aste (00:28)
Thank you for having me. I love being in your energy and it's fun to see you as a real nomad now.
Sarita Buer (00:33)
Yes,
yes, I know it's an exciting, really exciting journey. And honestly, like the topic we'll be talking about today is part of my intention for this nomadic journey is to learn to heal parts of myself that I feel like maybe have been a little bit stuck residing in a place for a really long time and having outgrown certain parts of where I was living and the circumstances. And so this is giving me a lot more freedom and liberty to do that.
And I'm really excited that this will be not only supportive to me, but of course the audience that is listening to this. So before we get into all the juicy details about feeling safe in the body and biohacking the body to heal the trauma so you can actually attract, the love that you really crave and then also maintain a love that you may already have. Let's hear about you, Becky. How did you arrive to, talking about this and being passionate about this? What's your little
nutshell life story, if you will.
Rebecca Aste (01:29)
Yeah, so it'll zero in on a turning point moment where I was in year 10 of my marriage and had two little kids at that point and my husband and I were separated and seriously considering divorce. And this was after a decade of trying every mainstream modality we could think of to try to heal this toxic dance we were finding ourselves in since before even engagement. When things were good, they were good between us, but when they weren't, was this chase and
dynamic that I called it at the beginning because I didn't have words for it and then when I dove into my decade of therapy and trying everything you know podcasts, books, couples counseling, EMDR, you name it I was able to find new language to fit our dance like anxious attached me over here stage five clinger him more avoidant codependent over here you know addictive all of these different terms helped me make sense of what was happening but it didn't help
anything change. And so it led to year 10, it was a big rupture and a mutual decision like we're not
We're not good for each other. This isn't good for us. This isn't good for our kids. We've tried it all. So we're going to separate. that's when fast forward to spoiler alert two, I stumbled upon while we were separated an online coach who ended up being my first introduction to somatic work, somatic healing, which we'll get into today. Just very body focused healing. And it ended up taking us from dying to healing at first, just like coming up for air.
to thriving and being able to figure out so much on how important regulation is over trying to talk through issues and attachment styles and I'm sure we'll get into it but that's what led me to this. It was just like, how did my marriage just resurrect from the dead and why don't people know about this and how can I get this out to everyone?
I could, possibly save a decade of suffering like I did. So left my stable career and started entrepreneurship, which was wild, but this is without a doubt. It's my passion, my Dharma, whatever you want to call it. Like this is, this is alignment and I love getting to do what I do now.
Sarita Buer (03:40)
what a profound work you're doing. like many of us, it starts off with a personal journey, because that's our transformation, right? And we want to share with the world the transformation that we've received. And I love your approach, because at least as a manifestation coach, I want to bring more awareness around the body and the nervous system and the importance of having that component in the healing process.
to be able to manifest the things that you actually really do desire, which in this case would be having a more connected and deep relationship with not only yourself, but your significant other. So this is really, really great work. And I'm really excited to like jump in to all of this. so starting at like the basic basics, because I have on this podcast talked about the nervous system and the importance of the nervous system and the body.
based healing and I've brought up the word somatics a couple times and I've had guests talk about it before, but I always love hearing from the person that is bringing awareness in their particular niche. what, for somebody that's kind of new to your world, how would you go about describing like these different terminology words to them, like somatics and body healing and what does that all mean? but
just to give them sort of like a informational guide. So when we are talking about these things throughout the episode, they're not like, I don't know what that means.
Rebecca Aste (05:03)
Yeah, I love that. Just getting to a collective definition. So starting with somatic, know, root word, soma, just meaning body. And I know malls are dead now, but if you go into a mall, one of the popular stores is Soma. It's like clothes for all women's body types.
Sarita Buer (05:06)
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Rebecca Aste (05:19)
And
Sarita Buer (05:19)
yeah,
Rebecca Aste (05:19)
so just, you know, somatic healing, somatic experiencing, somatic work just has to do with a focus on the body as opposed to other modalities of healing, which may be more from the neck up. So traditional talk therapy or learning things from podcasts or books or, communication, verbal processing, auditory, anything from the neck up. We don't ignore that, but somatic is more focused on
neck down. And the reason why that is is because when you understand the nervous system, I'm going to sound geeky right now, but I do geek out over this
Sarita Buer (05:57)
Bring in
the geek, I love it.
Rebecca Aste (05:58)
Okay,
So we've got
the vagus nerve, which is the second biggest nerve in our entire nervous system next to our spinal cord. And it runs from the base of our skull to the bottom of our spine. And this is like the superhighway of information in our nervous system where all these neurotransmitters and chemical messengers are constantly going up and down from the brain to the body, body to the brain carrying messages.
Now, 20 % of those messages go from the brain to the body, but 80 % go from the body to the brain. So what this translates to practically, even like looking at my story, I was wondering why after 10 years of only healing from the neck up, verbal processing, reading everything, listening to everything I could, I felt like a salmon swimming upstream. I'd have bursts of like, feel better. And then it would rubber band slingshot right back to the old pattern.
Sarita Buer (06:43)
Hmm.
Rebecca Aste (06:48)
And so when I learned to work with that 80%, it was, I mean the title, was like biohacking my body, like whoa, now I'm working with the current of how my body was designed to communicate anyway. And so we can get into different modalities, but that's best summary is we work with that 80 % in somatic healing.
Sarita Buer (07:10)
I love that. I have a program called Activate Your Inner Wealth and Abundance. And one of the days I talk about the nervous system and how our nervous system actually takes in 600 billion bits of information per like couple of minutes or so, our body does, not just like our mind. And so I believe
before there was this concept that everything came through the mind when in reality, like you said, the 80 % comes through the body and then the rest of that comes through the mind. so it's like a filtering system. So it's like comes in body base and then kind of goes up. I think, very important to understand as we navigate trauma, especially, and navigate feeling safe with the body because
we can, like you said, do all this mindset work, but still have this like major disconnection of what's happening below. And for me personally, since I've gotten into, body-based healing, feminine embodiment, movement, things like that, I've had so much more connection to not only my body, but strengthening my intuition.
like layers that have allowed me to feel more connected to myself and to the people around me. So one of the points we're saying is you're going to share three places in which somebody can start to understand if they actually have, this biohacking, right? so
this episode will be body based. So let's start with, possible
symptoms that may be arising if you do or signs that you may have in regards to being disconnected to the body or having trauma stored in your body.
Rebecca Aste (08:45)
Yeah, I think the signs are just really normalized things that most of us honestly deal with as modern day, especially people I'm assuming listening to this podcast, know, either entrepreneurs or busy women is things like insomnia, autoimmune issues, eczema outbreaks, anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, adrenal crash, all these things that it's like, who
isn't experiencing those. And similarly, I'd argue who in 2025 doesn't have trauma, it's just a matter of if we know how to actually process it so it doesn't get so stuck in our body and end up becoming this.
Sarita Buer (09:19)
Right.
Rebecca Aste (09:26)
unsafe home, our body's meant to be this safe home that we get to inhabit and feel free in and light. And all of those things that have become normalized in our society, they're not really normal. They're not how we were designed to live. So those are some really obvious signs of, maybe there's something going on that is these symptoms are actually trying to communicate to me, hey, there's a deeper emotional need.
that
needs to be tended to or deeper emotional wound. I feel like we treat our symptoms sometimes like pesky house rats that we need to just get a broom
shoot
out. And they're getting in the way of our deadlines and our goals and our vision boards and...
Sarita Buer (10:05)
Look at the
way that we treat our moon cycle. Still, to this day, the advertisement on TV just shows like, take a pill, pop in this tampon, go about your day, and can't be bothered, right? Yeah.
Rebecca Aste (10:09)
Yeah.
Yeah, no exactly. We override the way, the cyclical way of living that our bodies were designed to move at and also just the pace. I feel like we're designed to go at camel speed and we're living at this rocket ship pace. I just picture kind of a rocket ship like malfunction, malfunction, all these buzzers going off. Those buzzers are signals to deeper signs of wisdom for next steps.
Sarita Buer (10:44)
I fully agree. I had All the things that you mentioned, it started really coming forth in about 2013 or 14, 15. Once I moved in with my significant other, just
all sorts of things from insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, inability to sleep. Just all these things really started manifesting into my reality. And it was, at that time, a pesky, annoying thing because I thought logically, and again, this was before I understood somatics. This is before I had any type of relationship with my body other than the occasional yoga class and breathing, right? Just the very basic stuff that I thought
Rebecca Aste (11:20)
Thanks
Sarita Buer (11:23)
I was standing in this conviction thinking if I could just sleep, if I could just get my eight hours of sleep, my life would be perfect. My life would be great. I wouldn't have any problems, right? I thought that it was this really simple little thing when in reality, since then, it's been almost a decade of some healing and then some very intense healing over the last couple years. And that has been based on the body. So that was a manifestation.
Just going back to what you were saying at the beginning, and I talk about manifesting because our body is literally manifesting these symptoms, right? And one of your symptoms, which wasn't necessarily like a physical symptom, but was a reactive symptom, was your anxious attachment
It could be a relationship or an emotional state, it sounds like as well, can be a symptom.
Rebecca Aste (12:09)
Yeah, yeah, when it comes to that, the attachment stuff, and for those who are listening, who don't know attachment theory, there's four main buckets. There's the anxious attach, that was me. It's this fear of separation and conflict. I want to be as close as possible. Like, I would be on his lap all the time if I could. And then there's the opposite, you know, which people like me often attract these partners, the avoidant type, who feel way safer with some distance and independence, autonomy, too much intimacy.
freaks them out. And then there's disorganized, which I hate the name of that. I'm like, can we think of a different label? It's kind of shaming. But that's just the mix of the two. It's this push pull where I want to be close, but when I am, I
Sarita Buer (12:44)
Yeah.
Rebecca Aste (12:50)
freak out and pull away and then when I pull away I miss them and so constant push-pull. Yeah, yeah you're like I don't want to choose I'm gonna dabble in both. And then the fourth bucket is what we can all learn that's the good news and some magic unicorns actually grow up with this attachment style who had healthy upbringings but it's secure. It's I'm comfortable with closeness, I'm comfortable with distance, I can trust easily, speak my boundaries easily and able to experience deep connection.
Sarita Buer (12:53)
That's me.
Be big time.
Rebecca Aste (13:19)
So that stuff is rooted way, I mean even pre-verbal, you know, attachment theory says our styles form in the first 18 months of life, just depending on how we were attuned to or not, how we came into the world, what our first interactions were with humans, with caretakers. That leaves an imprint. Our body keeps the score, of that. In these adult relationships, it comes out in
Sarita Buer (13:41)
Love that.
Rebecca Aste (13:45)
in times of stress, whatever your default is, but the good news is we can learn. We can learn better.
Sarita Buer (13:50)
Yes, we can. Thank goodness for conversations like this, for exposure to this type of work, I couldn't even imagine even like 10
Rebecca Aste (13:58)
you
Sarita Buer (14:01)
Some years ago, 20-some-year-old me didn't even know any of this stuff, and it just was not prevalent, really. Even talking about therapy 15-some years ago was just still pretty taboo. it's so important to me to have these conversations with people to normalize that everybody is working through and dealing with these types of things.
Rebecca Aste (14:20)
you
Yeah, well said.
Sarita Buer (14:25)
Yeah.
Thank you. So all right. So now that we've confirmed what somatics is and we've also confirmed what are some potential symptoms that can arise. And thank you for sharing the attachment styles. I think that's really important because we are talking about the manifestation of what can happen when you are not feeling safe in the body, right?
I believe as humans we do crave connection. No matter who we are, we are designed that way as, as human beings. now that we have some clarity in that.
what are some ways in which we can actually start to establish some safety in the body? If we're starting from like ground zero, and we are coming to you, Becky, for some support I really wanna start.
Rebecca Aste (14:57)
you
Sarita Buer (15:07)
focusing on creating a better relationship with my body. What are some things that we can do to actually create some of that safety?
Rebecca Aste (15:14)
Yeah, amazing question. When someone comes to me, the first thing we tackle actually even before any tools is dissolving shame and teaching women how to embody radical self-acceptance, self-compassion. A lot of the people I work with have tried so many tools. They've got a full tool belt and they're like whipping themselves into shape and they're like, what's wrong with me? I'm broken. Am I just bad at healing? I still feel stuck. I should be further along. I'm successful in other areas of life. Why is
if
it's relationship work with me or whatever it is, why is this area like I just feel like a failure? So the reason we start here is because any tools to come will go in one ear.
out the other. But once we get to that next step of, this woman feels safe, seen, connected, she knows she can show up messy. And this, healing journey is not about getting an A in college. this isn't another course that you have to perfect. You actually get to show up very raw and as you are. Now let's talk about safety in the body, how to establish it. So depending on how much trauma she's been through, looking at her whole history,
people have different levels of ability to tolerate being in their body, meaning like tuning into the sensations going on or...
into their breath for some that's very activating and overwhelming and it's just you can't even start there first. So we might start with the room around them and just doing a grounding thing like the five senses. So just having them name five things they can see, four things they can hear, three things they can touch, two things they can taste, one thing they can smell. It's not going too inward too fast. It's just like, hey, let's come back down to earth if you're lost in your head and ruminating or in fight flight mode and just
orient to this present moment room around you. So we'll do that in these like bite-sized tastes and then I might do other tools like that just helping them come back to earth.
Another thing, if they can go into the body and are more comfortable is just depending on where they're at, it's going to be a different tool that fits that nervous system state. So for example, I call them the somatic F-bombs, the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop, all the F-word.
If you're in a flop response, meaning just think depressed, can't pull yourself out of bed, right? Unmotivated. This is not the time for grounding tools. there's tons stuff you'll see on the internet. Try grounding and it sounds great, but depending on what state you're in, you're already, if you're in a flop mode grounded enough, you're like melting into the ground. So grounding more is like just going to keep you more stuck. You actually, want to do something slightly activating. So.
gentle movement and swaying, gentle breath work.
You might just really incorporate touch and pressure. So getting a massage or a self hug or a hug from somebody else, just anything to try to unthaw this really stuck kind of energy. On the other hand, if you're in a fight flight response, that's way more activating. You're kind of like this hot air balloon, right? Going traveling off and you do need to come back to earth. And so something grounding in that state might be shaking your body.
getting off excess energy. It might be, depending on if it's anger, rage, something like that, screaming into a pillow, screaming into your car, know, honoring some sacred rage. It might be, especially in a flight state where thoughts are constantly running and ruminating, doing a containment hold, which I know people can't all see me on video, but you might place one hand on your forehead, one on the back of your neck, and just see how that feels for some clients that super call
for a really anxious, busy mind. And it's just kind of like telling your mind, I've got you. I'm witnessing you, I'm with you. You know, I'm not going anywhere and it can slow your mind down. So tailoring the toolbox is really my first line of defense in helping them build what's gonna help me in these particular situations, depending on how safe she feels to go into her body or not.
Sarita Buer (19:18)
So important. I resonate really deeply with the toolbox of the plethora of information we have in our information society women that come to me to get support is that they get overwhelmed with the information. So it's nice to just have something that is tailored to them, which is
the main reason I love one-on-one coaching and the type of work that both of us are doing is that we get to tailor that. And so my opinion on that is from my own personal experience was that I had so many tools that I kind of felt like I was a sieve. So like all these like parts of me were just kind of running all over and the toolbox was like band-aids, just putting them over like all these holes that were happening
Rebecca Aste (19:55)
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (19:59)
And it wasn't until I actually did a somatic session where I just showed up. I'm part of a feminine embodiment membership and I've been there since November And we have sessions that happen bimonthly.
there have been times when I have felt really in the flop mode but the beauty of that, that I want to share and that you were sharing is that you show up.
it can look different things for different people. And I think part of doing it in a group setting sometimes is that comparison part comes into play. And then also this can happen during a one session. don't know if you've had this happen before with somebody that's worked with you where.
they come and they are like, wait, am I doing this right? I making the progress? And it's like, yes, you are. Just by showing up, you're actually making progression.
Rebecca Aste (20:42)
See you later.
Sarita Buer (20:50)
So I love that you share that there are different approaches and the way that you could be coming into the session,
and what are some things maybe they'll start?
to notice, like that you've heard feedback from some of your clients on.
Rebecca Aste (21:02)
Yeah, great question. I think at the beginning, the biggest thing is the self-compassion. They are such high achieving women that I work with, so the inner critic's really loud. So being able to notice, okay, the way that I'm softening towards myself, this is new, and this feels light, this feels expansive, this feels like energy that's now spilling into my kids and spilling into my partner. And so that's the first thing out of the gate. The second I notice is just breakthroughs
actually being able to taste what safety feels like in their body for some women for the first time ever. Like, my god, that's what it feels like to take a deep breath. Or, my god, that's what it feels like to have peace in my mind when my husband didn't text me back right away. lot of anxious attached women are like, I need an immediate response! So the tastes and sips of safety in the body is big. Another one is women taking back their power and feeling it.
You can see it energetically in their posture and their facial expression in the vibe they're outputting a lot of People have been through abuse neglect abandonment, know things that have taken away taking them out of their power and so being able to reclaim that and Stand in this energy that is like I've got nothing to prove nothing to posture Nothing to protect no one to please
But that energy of just like at my core I'm centered, and I'm safe and I'm with me. And then...
The stuff that we get to towards the end of the journey, I mean people come in asking, teach me how to communicate better with my partner. Like that's one of the number one things. We're stuck, we keep having these cyclical arguments, there's intimacy blocks and so I promise them while we get to that, that's some of the sexier stuff, but we first do address the shame, the safety, the moving through triggers confidently, the completing grief even, and then we start to look at this relationship with the partner and just giving women skills.
For
some people it's just I've never been taught how to effectively communicate especially based on my attachment style and what we learn is especially with communication it's 93 % nonverbal so all these different tools you've been trying to use for so long and saying the magic word that's only like 7 % of communication the words coming out of your mouth everything else is what we've worked on is how grounded and regulated you feel.
Sarita Buer (23:23)
Energetics.
Rebecca Aste (23:24)
So it's the breakthroughs and results of, yeah, we had a conversation that didn't lead to whatever it used to lead to, whether it was outbreaks and fights or the silent treatment for 10 days, or we actually felt safe to stay and talk in a way that we heard each other, we felt connected. That's the juicy stuff.
Sarita Buer (23:42)
Wow, I remember having certain breakthroughs and having epiphanies and having moments where things just didn't bother me as significantly and being able to set boundaries with little to no guilt. I should say the guilt factor was still pretty big, but getting accustomed to doing that and changing the way that I walk into a room and just all these different.
things that I didn't realize would come from being more connected to my body, being more connected to my authenticity of like who I am, right? Like the inner core and I realize how sacred my body is. think I was understood that on a conceptual level from doing all those years of yoga, your body is your temple, Understood that on a conceptual level, but it was actually doing somatic work.
Rebecca Aste (24:12)
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (24:30)
and doing the deeper level work that actually I felt that on a bodily sense, right? I felt that in all the moving parts within me. And I love the revelations that people can get from doing these different works. And as a manifestation coach, I'm constantly talking about the subconscious and the mirror because the work that you're doing, Becky is so important.
because we are source, we are the creators of our reality, right? So when we crave and desire a different outcome, how does it start? It starts from within us. Like we need to be the ones that are making the change. If we really crave better communication with our significant other, with our children, with our family, with our boss, like all these people, it needs to start with us, right? I think we are constantly, especially as women,
are looking outside of ourselves. have a society that literally conditions us to be not in touch with our intuition. So non-intuitional, be separate from the body, be all in the brain, and logic our way through life, right? And so we have this perception that, it's that person and their thing, and they're the ones that are the problem, right? And like, I'm doing what I can. And yes.
you may be doing as much as you can and then also taking ownership right for all the things that I brought you to to today. Right. And I love how you're talking about shame because that's one of the things that I've talked about before is like it's not your fault that you have had these right. It's not your fault that this is become your life right. But you are here now and so it is your responsibility to take charge and to take ownership and do what you can. And so it's so beautiful how
when you are doing that work, if there's any takeaway that y'all have from this episode, like take that as the energy portion, like doing that.
work will actually manifest a different outcome, right? And then that'll allow you to create this better relationship dynamic again, most importantly with yourself, because that's where number one, that's where everything starts. And then also to the relationship with the other people that are in your life.
Rebecca Aste (26:32)
love that so much and that was a huge like gut punch when I first realized that that shit you know I don't know if I can swear on this podcast.
Sarita Buer (26:40)
Yeah, you can. I do it all the time.
Rebecca Aste (26:42)
So are you telling me, this is what I'm saying to my co- are you telling me everything that I'm experiencing in my lived reality right now, like I've invited it in on some level? Like no, this is his fault. I'm very much like in this righteous little energy. But it was also...
Sarita Buer (26:57)
and denial.
Rebecca Aste (26:59)
At first, yeah, it felt heavy, like, ugh, I'm the thermostat, that means, you know? So I gotta set my energy level different if I wanna feel something different. But then it ended up becoming the most empowering, freeing part of it. It's like, whoa, I don't have to wait on him to get on board with healing. I don't have to wait on him to initiate. Like, if I just turn all power back into what's in my control and how can I find peace, in here, that's literally what it
It changed the dance, attracted a different reality, and is still a continual lesson. I'll still rubber band slingshot back to forgetting that and fall into the old patterns, but now you can't unknow and unfeel and unexperience what you've experienced. You never go fully back to that original level of consciousness.
Sarita Buer (27:43)
Agreed.
Agreed. Yes. It's like what has been seen cannot be undone. Yeah, so true. you bring up a really good point that that happens, to anybody where you are doing the healing work, you are making the progression, you are seeing those moments, those tastes in your realities, those tastes become more of your normal, like things are changing.
The relationship dynamic with yourself is improving. The relationship dynamic with your significant other, your family, all the things are changing and molding and becoming more at ease. And yes, even when you are doing all that, we can slip back into old ways. You'll have what I call a barometer check from the universe,
like a check-in, a God-sourced universe check-in to be like, where are you with that right now? And I had that recently during Venus retrograde when I had three Xs come back into my energy field. was intense, but it was basically universe God-source checking in with me and be like, hey Sarita, how are you doing with this one and this one and this one? So.
Rebecca Aste (28:36)
Yeah.
Sarita Buer (28:52)
I believe that those were opportunities for me to be like, no, I'm good. I'm going down my path of doing what I'm doing and all the things. so I believe that, we can have quote unquote, like slip ups. It happens. But again, it's just an opportunity for us to maintain the way of being that we have been. And if we slip back into it, that's OK.
I just call stuff like that like feedback. Okay, what's my takeaway from this? Like, how can I do better next time? Right?
Rebecca Aste (29:22)
I love that. That's such a good reframe because I grew up with religious trauma so God testing me was like, it's how we felt in school. Like we're getting watched to see if we fail, you know? And so I comfortably, like my relationship now with God, other people say universe, whatever, it feels so safe and so home but that reframe feels amazing for me. I'm going to use that just to barometer check in. And I had mine in April. Yeah.
Sarita Buer (29:48)
So the last point that you shared with me is having the relationship with your body and coming back to the body and biohacking your body and creating more safety in the body, how is that exactly supporting one? And we kind of answered this a little bit, but we'd love to hear this more in abundance from you.
how is that supportive in not only, because there's some people that may be listening that already have a significant other relationship and they've been in that dynamic for a while. So maintaining a healthy one and creating a more healthy dynamic, or for somebody that's single and looking or maybe wanting to attract, to attract that love that you really crave in your life.
Rebecca Aste (30:27)
Yeah, so for those listening, even if they Google right now the polyvagal chart, this can help me as I describe what's actually happening and why intimacy can only happen in certain nervous systems. The polyvagal chart's amazing, P-O-L-Y-V-A-G-A-L, and it just shares these three different states of the nervous system we can be in at any given time.
the goal, right, where we experience social engagement and intimacy and actual connection. It can only happen when we're present in our bodies. And so it's allowing for calmness and connection, for subtleness, for groundedness, all the recipes for communication to go amazing. This is when we're in what's called our ventral vagal system. It's the green one on the polyvagal chart. But most of us are not there. If we have trauma that we've accumulated over our lifetime, it's still
stuck
in there, we haven't really processed, released it, we may be stuck in dominantly a fight-flight, you know, state or a freeze-flop state, those F-bombs.
connection is nearly impossible in those states. know, a felt sense connection. Not to say people can't be there for you in those states. Of course, that's when we need people the most, right? When I'm showing up in total fight mode, flight mode, please don't leave me or abandon me in those states. But I'm not gonna feel close to you when I'm in my fight mode or my flight mode or my freezer, whatever. And so there's an energetic block. So trauma sends us into these states. Trauma's like the
third party of a marriage. I say it's like open marriage or polyamory for people who don't even want it. Like if trauma is in your marriage, that is the third party.
Sarita Buer (31:56)
my gosh.
Never
thought about it that way. That's so interesting. I love it.
Rebecca Aste (32:06)
It serves like
this elephant, this energetic elephant, right, in the room constantly, and you're gonna feel the block even if you're not talking about it or even if you don't know how to clear it out.
And so that's our goal is how can we move that crap out? It's just getting in the way. It's interrupting the communication, creating static. How can we move into that ventral vagal safety nervous system so we can experience all the good things life's got for us? The curiosity and the love and compassion and you said it earlier, but we all crave that. That's how we're designed. I believe we come into this world
looking for somebody who's looking for us. You just think of a baby reaching right, right out the womb and connection is what we're here for.
Sarita Buer (32:52)
Yeah.
Wow, that's so beautiful. I'm very familiar with the polyvagal chart and the polyvagal theory. Thank goodness for that and bringing that more to awareness for listeners, but that they can go and Google and dive a little bit more deep into that. We do crave this connection. And where does the connection actually really start? We forget about that.
succumb to this as somebody that's watched Disney and like romantic comedies my whole life, right? Which absolutely love their entertainment and they're, wonderful. And at the same time, that can be extremely damaging to the point where we truly believe that happiness, peace contentment completeness and validation are outside of ourselves found in somebody else. Right.
But really, the centralized theme of this whole episode is coming back to yourself,
knowing that you really do have the power. you are the barometer. You're setting the tone, setting the energy, setting the way in which you want to experience your life because you are the mirror. So doing that inner work to heal those aspects of yourself is,
so integral to experience a more connected and abundant life.
Rebecca Aste (34:05)
Yeah, beautiful.
Sarita Buer (34:07)
Thank you. Yes, I had somebody on my podcast, last year, but one of the, things that she said is in order to have a more intimate life is actually having an intimate self, right? Intimate relationship with self. And that was so profound for me. Cause I was like, my gosh, I didn't even really think about that. We have this perception of
self-love, When it comes to like putting on your makeup, you're doing your self-love self-care practices, right? But it's so much deeper than that. And I love that you're bringing this to...
the forefront and to your work and to supporting people in this because it is those moments when we're actually going deep is when we're creating a more intimate relationship with not only ourselves but the world around us.
Rebecca Aste (34:50)
So beautiful. Yeah, you can only be as close to someone as you're willing to be close to yourself. You can only go as deep with someone as you're willing to go deep with yourself. And so I think that's why I vibe with you so much. I'm like, it's so obvious, so clear. She's dove deep and it's a scary thing to do for humans.
it's not comfortable looking and peeking behind the blinds of our shadowy, uncomfortable trauma parts. So, but when you do, there's such beauty on the other end and you get these magnificent, rich connections with, people like you, with your partners, with dogs walking down the street, like you get to just be love walking in action.
Sarita Buer (35:28)
Yeah. Ooh, such a great image of that. So I can't believe how fast this episode went. I always ask this at the very end, because we've covered a lot of information here.
some last words of wisdom from you in regards to your own personal journey or the work that you're working with clients. What's a final thought that you have when it comes to finding safety within the body and having that journey to get more intimate with yourself?
Rebecca Aste (35:54)
Yeah, there was a lot we spouted out today, right? It might have sounded like a fire hose to some people and if they're anything like me, I can get overwhelmed by that. It's like an excitement of, new information, how awesome, but then other times I shut down because it can feel too much. So if I were to summarize everything with just one practice people can, do this week, this theme of coming home to yourself, being with yourself, that's really where the healing begins. When we're in trauma, when we're in a survival response, we leave our
in some way, whether it is fighting, flighting, whatever, we leave. So the invitation is just putting your hand over your heart. It's one of my favorite ways of just literally making physical contact with my own body. And whatever it is that's triggering you, troubling you, stressing you, just talking to yourself, even if you feel like a crazy person and you're not in the habit of talking to yourself. Just saying like, I'm with you, I'm not going anywhere.
There's a lot of deep abandonment wounds and a lot of people, a fear of abandonment, right? But that healing, that repair starts with being able to trust ourselves that we're not going to abandon ourselves anymore. That's where the deepest pain is. When I talk to most women, I mean, they've been abandoned by men, they've been betrayed, they've been hurt, but the deeper pain underneath is they feel like, I don't know myself anymore. I've abandoned myself. I've lost respect for myself or allowed boundaries to be crossed that I never spoke in the first place. So,
That'd be my invitation, hand over heart. Just a simple phrase of, I'm with you right now and I'm not leaving you anymore.
Sarita Buer (37:22)
I love that practice. Yeah. Just feeling, very present with the self, which is actually the inspiration behind this podcast. I call it back to here with Sarita, back to here, back to this moment, back to the self, back to the present moment, back to the body. So love that. Becky, thank you so much for this amazing, rich, wonderful episode. I could talk to you for a very long time. Like I said, it went by way too fast.
Rebecca Aste (37:36)
That's perfect.
Sarita Buer (37:46)
before we end, where can people find you? What offerings do you have? How can they work with you? All the things, please. And I will have all that in the show notes as well.
Rebecca Aste (37:54)
Yeah, I love podcasting too. I've got to have you on. So my podcast is your breakthrough blueprint on all platforms. And then on Instagram, you can find me, Becky underscore Oste. It is me, not AI in the DMS. I will say hi to you if you have questions. and I have a group coaching program as well as one-on-one. So there's options. can chat and,
which I'll give you has my top three, trainings, mini workshops for women especially who are the go-getters, the high achievers, but in their love life there's this chase run dynamic and they're ready for it to end. I can include my website for you.
Sarita Buer (38:31)
Fabulous. Thank you so much, Becky, for all the work that you're doing and all the love and energy that you're funneling into supporting people on this endeavor. So thank you so much. means so much to connect with you here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And we'll see you all in the next episode. And as always, keep being the amazing you that you are. Take care.
Rebecca Aste (38:46)
Thank you.
