Sarita (00:10.652)
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Back to Here with Sarita. I'm so grateful you're here with me today and if you are joining me for the very first time, please make sure to hit that subscribe button on the platform you are listening to or watching this episode on.
Sarita (00:37.18)
So just a little life update, I've been moving around a lot these last few weeks and the upcoming weeks as I've been doing a lot of pet sitting and house sitting in and around San Diego. So my backdrop this time around is a little bit different than my usual Buddha painting that I have in my office. I definitely want to share more around this freedom, abundance lifestyle that I've
been creating and I definitely want to share that in an episode coming up. But today's episode will be focused on sharing my monumental transformational trip that I took back in April to my motherland El Salvador.
Sarita (01:42.012)
So if you're joining me for the very first time and don't know much about me, one of the key identities that I hold is that I am a transracial adoptee from El Salvador. So this basically means that I was adopted internationally by a family that is of a different ethnic origin than myself.
Sarita (02:10.268)
At three years old, I left El Salvador to travel to the United States to be adopted by a white single mother.
Sarita (02:23.228)
About four years later, she adopted my sister from El Salvador as well. So I do have a sibling that I grew up with that is also adopted.
Sarita (02:39.068)
So I bring this identity up because a lot in my podcast, because there are multiple layers that I've needed to basically unpack to find myself and being adopted has been a large part of why I've acted and operated in certain ways.
Sarita (03:08.828)
And so additionally, if you are new to me, I'm heavily into mindset, personal development, self -love, spirituality, manifestation, abundance, you name it. And this whole journey has been about unlearning a lot of the behaviors and beliefs that actually stem heavily from being adopted.
Sarita (03:32.796)
So if you desire to dive a little bit more deep into this actual journey, you can find out more in my two -part episode that I released about a year ago called, Outsourcing My Worth, My Adoption Story, Part One and Part Two.
Sarita (03:53.82)
So today I'm not going to go as much into the identity itself about being adopted as I have been sharing a lot of that. I'm going to be sharing more around the actual time that I spent in El Salvador.
Sarita (04:13.5)
And before I jump into the episode, I want to preface that it actually took me 41 years to go back to my homeland. But I truly believe it's never too late to take a journey like that. In fact, it landed the opportunity to travel back to El Salvador, landed in my life in a perfectly aligned timing when I personally needed it the most.
Sarita (04:44.444)
And so what really triggered me to go was an accumulation of a really heartbreaking last year, a lot of events that had to do with men and dating. And it allowed me to the opportunity to dive a lot deeper into my self -love journey. And so if you listen to episodes 16, 31 and 33, you will know that I had
quite a tumultuous last year with a lot of ups and downs learning about myself. And my biggest breakthrough that I had last year in 2024 was figuring out how much I was seeking validation and completeness from others, especially when it came to men.
Sarita (05:40.092)
So needless to say, I entered 2024 a bit shook up, a little bit tender. And to be honest with you, January and February, I was having a pretty intense pity party with myself. And then it was my best friend who actually stepped in to kind of take control of the situation. I've known my best friend since we were 11 years old.
and she gave me what I consider today the most epic motivational speech that she has ever given me in my life. And along with a virtual shoulder shake and a smack in the face to basically say, wake the fuck up because literally the world is your oyster. You can go anywhere, you can do anything, you can be anything that you want.
Sarita (06:46.204)
I kind of relate the experience to the movie Good Will Hunting. I don't know if you've ever seen that movie, but the character Chuckie, Ben Affleck's character, says to Will, the Matt Damon character, at kind of near the end of the movie that he hoped that one day, because he would pick him up from work every single day to do the same work, that one day when he went to go pick him up from work that he would not be there at his home, that he would have actually gone off.
and discovered himself. And that's in fact actually what happened in the movie is that he ended up leaving. That's the close of the movie. Sorry, spoiler alert. But it was basically my friend was saying that she said, I really hope that very soon you're calling me from Kenya and saying I moved to Kenya. And basically, like stop wasting your time getting bent out of shape over small things. And you could be living your best life.
Sarita (07:50.78)
Well, it was literally after that call that I had with my bestie that I decided to reach out to a woman that I actually am in connection with through an adoptee group.
Sarita (08:10.332)
The adoptee group is called Adoptees of South America and...
Sarita (08:44.444)
The Adopted group is called Adoptes of South America and Extended Latin Americas and they're basically a Facebook group and we meet usually once a month. And I had known that she was actually adopted from El Salvador based on her posts and that she had decided to start establishing herself in El Salvador as well. And so I decided to take a leap of faith and reach out to Julia and said to her that I was interested in going.
Sarita (09:16.988)
Now keep in mind, it's really a stretch just in general to start talking about something so monumental. And I took the initiative to not only reach out to talk to her about potentially going to my ancestral land, that's like one thing, but to actually start like planning it and buying the plane ticket. Like, let me tell you, my nerves were a complete wreck because I was experiencing something brand new, like this was like really gonna happen.
My nervous system was like, okay, my God, we're actually doing this. There were all sorts of emotions like excitement and nervousness.
Sarita (10:03.388)
I'm so grateful that I connected with Julia because she literally made my experience the best experience that I could ever have, especially it being the first time that I went back to my homeland, my birthland, and also that we shared this commonality together, that we were both adopted from the same place.
She was so kind and actually several times during the trip she would ask me how I was emotionally doing and my normal response during the trip was to say, great, like I'm doing fine, I'm just taking it all in, which in reality that's what I was doing. I was literally a sponge for the time period that I was there.
Sarita (10:53.372)
So in this episode, I'm going to share with you the places that I experienced in El Salvador while I was there, and then some observations. And then I'm going to share with you some reflections that I've had just in general based on my journey to homeland.
Sarita (11:23.164)
So I'm really fortunate that getting to El Salvador was actually fairly simple for me because I live here in San Diego and I live in a border community, basically. Tijuana is right across the border. So I took the CBX border crossing, which is basically a bridge that goes from San Diego and goes, walks over to Tijuana. So I had the opportunity to fly out of Tijuana and then that flew me into Mexico City and then Mexico City to San Salvador.
So I have a very interesting situation that happened when I was descending into San Salvador. The strangest thing occurred to me and it's actually only occurred to me one other time and that coincidentally was when I left El Salvador on a plane at three years old.
Sarita (12:15.516)
So I fly a lot and I've been to many different countries. I've flown to Peru, Nepal, Thailand, Japan, Mexico. I do a lot of domestic flying and I've never really had much of an issue with like my ears ringing and popping and hurting very much. Like there's the occasional time when I feel like I have like cotton in my head and it can be totally resolved by just a simple yawn.
Sarita (12:51.964)
Well, when I flew down into San Salvador, and keep in mind it's not a high altitude whatsoever at all, it's practically sea level, I had the most painful ear pressure I've ever felt in my life since probably that time when I was three years old. My mom, I have a, I don't have a memory of it, but my mom told me, my adopted mom told me that one of the problems that I had when I was leaving El Salvador was that my...
ears were hurting so much, I was sobbing on the plane uncontrollably as a little three -year -old and she just couldn't find anything that would console me or help me feel a little bit better. Not to mention the whole situation of being adopted and uprooted was really traumatic for me. Well, it was almost as though like I was reliving this experience like all over again because I was
getting this really crazy, not only ringing in my ears, but the pressure was absolutely unbearable. Like to the point that I started crying, a grownup adult crying because she was in so much pain. But now that I think about it, I was like, was I really crying because of the pain? Yes, the pain was extremely excruciating, but also I think there was some other stuff. So.
I ended up looking up the meaning of ringing in your ears, like the spiritual meaning of it. And what came up was that you are becoming that person that it's happening to is becoming a lot more sensitive to the energies around them. I find that really fascinating. So what I can say is that being back in the energy of my homeland and where I
I am in life along, especially with my self -care journey that I've been doing and I've been a lot more open to receiving the abundance of the universe and the experiences. I just feel like I was a lot more sensitive to the energies around me. So very unique experience that only has happened two times.
Sarita (15:05.18)
So the first few days I spent in Sal Salvador, which is the capital of El Salvador, and not to mention a very bustling city and very humid. El Salvador is close to the equator, so the whole time that I was there, it was close to 85 to 90 degrees, and so the humidity was like off the charts for me, not something that I'm accustomed to.
I got to stay in this really cute little Airbnb that was in a little bit quieter area in San Salvador. And it was really nice because there was a lot of stuff. Like I had a lot of access to things close by. One of the things that was really cool in San Salvador, apart from like just looking at all the people and the traffic and everything, was a botanical garden that I found. It was like a really cool little hidden gem. And it was like I was walking through the rainforest. It was just so, so relaxing.
And it was really amazing because Julia and her boyfriend Mario, like the minute they picked me up from the airport wasted no time getting me around to different places in San Salvador, seeing like cathedrals and parks and markets, like you name it, we saw it. It was as though I had my own like...
personal tour guide during the whole trip, so it made it that much more unique that I could ask questions along the way. I was madly taking notes, like just soaking up every single moment in.
So one of the things that I wanted to do for sure when I went to El Salvador was to visit my birth city and to visit ancient ruins. So I got the opportunity the second day that I arrived in El Salvador to go to my birth city, which is called Cojutepeque. I was so excited that I actually was going to be able to experience the energy and the essence of the place where I
Sarita (17:01.948)
came into being.
Sarita (17:07.1)
So Cojutepeque is this large town in the jungle type mountains kind of hidden away and it took us like a good like two hours to get there. And apparently it played a very important role during the Civil War in the 80s.
And the minute we drove up to the city, I just felt this like, not overwhelming, but this feeling of peace come over me. And it was really cool because it was in the afternoon when we arrived. So it was kind of between like the lunch hour and dinner hour. So it felt like it had this kind of sleepy town feel to it. So it was really cute. We got to go to a local market and in that market, like it wasn't as...
They were not as big as they were in San Salvador, but they were still, it was really cute market, but they sold everything from like fruit to meat to clothing. And it even had this like indoor section in the market. That was really cool. That was pretty much closed down at that point, but I decided to get my nails done and got them done by two local girls. And it was just really fun to tell them about my story about how I was born in this city.
and adopted into the United States. And, you know, for all I know, they could have totally been cousins of mine, but it was just the experience in general that made it so amazing. And what I really loved about being in Cojutepeque apart from just discovering my city where I was born, my town that I was born, was that seeing other people that actually look like me. In San Salvador, in the city, it's a metropolitan city, so it...
a bunch of different looks, but being actually in Cojutepeque itself, the little town that I was born in, it was so much more validating to me because I got to see people that actually looked very much like me. Cojutepeque is known for its salchichas, which are sausages.
Sarita (19:10.556)
So I definitely took the opportunity, even though I don't really eat meat, I took the opportunity to taste them and I'm really grateful I did because it was absolutely delicious. And I got to try them at this very unique restaurant that I highly recommend and I will put it in the show notes if you decide to go to El Salvador, make sure to check it out. Really cool spot called El Mirador Del Panorámico. And it's basically this restaurant that looks down into the hill like,
is on a hill and it looks down into the valley and like a jungle and the panoramic view is absolutely beautiful like and the ambience and the food were just delicious and amazing.
Sarita (20:06.716)
So that was my experience in Cojutepeque And so after spending a few days in San Salvador, I got the opportunity to go to Lake Coateque which is an amazing volcanic lake. And it was just really beautiful. It has a bunch of like different restaurants and hotels like coming down into like the lake area. And it's a number one destination vacation spot for Salvadorans, which I totally
can see why because it was like just so relaxing. I was able to actually spend time with my friend Julia there because she was staying there and she's been staying there for a long time. And it was just really fun to experience like.
Sarita (20:58.396)
So while I was there, Julia and her boyfriend Mario took me to Julia's sister's pupusaria. She has a pupusaria and I don't know if you've ever had pupusas or know what they are, but basically they're the national dish of El Salvador, basically made from masa and cheese and meat and they are amazing. What was really cool about this experience was that I was able to witness firsthand Julia's
connection with her adopted sister.
Sarita (21:52.124)
testing. So while I was staying at the lake I was able to be picked up by Julia and her boyfriend and they took me to her sister's papusaria. She owns a papusaria. So if you don't know what papusas are, they are amazing. They are El Salvador's national dish and basically they're made of masa, cheese, and meat and they are amazing. They look like little flat discs that are stuffed and
What was really cool about this experience was that I was able to witness Julia, her...
Sarita (22:40.092)
Try this again, try this again.
Sarita (22:45.084)
Try this again.
Sarita (22:50.524)
So one of the things I got to experience that was super fun was that Julia and her boyfriend took me to Julia's sister's papusaria. She owns a little Pupusaria that's outside of San Salvador. If you don't know what pupusas are, they are amazing. They are El Salvador's national dish and basically made out of masa, cheese, and meat. And they're really cool. They're like flat discs. I shouldn't say super flat, but they have like meat and stuff in them.
And what was really cool about this experience apart from actually eating the pupusas was witnessing my friend Julia and her biological sister whom she's been in reunion with and connection with for the last few years. And it was really cool to see them laughing, talking and connecting over pupusas Her Pupusaria was very humble, but the food was absolutely amazing. And I got to experience firsthand.
I got to see them made firsthand, which I kind of know how they're made anyways because there is a Salvadoran restaurant here in San Diego. You can go there and you can see the ladies making the pupusas in the back. But this was super unique because I got to see and witness them being made like basically one -on -one. And what made it even more special was that her sister actually made a special, a few special pupusas for me that didn't have any meat or cheese in them.
So the topping that you put on top of pupusas is called cortido and it is fermented cabbage mixture. And you put that on top and so you eat the pupusa either with a fork and knife or you can just pick it up and eat it kind of like a small pizza.
Sarita (24:40.252)
If you haven't tried pupusas before, I highly, highly recommend that you find the closest Salvadoran restaurant that you can find close to you because Salvadorans are everywhere in the United States. And then also it's amazing food. Like I highly recommend it. So definitely get yourself some pupusas.
Sarita (25:09.372)
So one of the other experiences that I really wanted to have apart from visiting my hometown, Cojutepeque was to go to some local ruins. The reason I wanted to do this is because I wanted to have a very spiritual experience while walking around just taking in the energy of the ruins.
I wanted to ground myself by taking my shoes off and just taking in the energy of my land and my ancestors.
Sarita (25:42.844)
And so you can imagine that I was super stoked that we had the opportunity to go to Ruinas de San Andres. And when I was walking out from the museum onto the ground where the ruins were, I just started getting chills. And it baffles me how these ancient people used to live on this land and that their monuments have basically been preserved through time.
Sarita (26:10.652)
The whole experience was just so grounding and spiritual for me, especially because I got to remove my shoes and connect with the earth and just feel like the vibrational energy that was coming up from this spiritual land that my ancestors used to live in.
Sarita (26:39.1)
So the last part of my trip was spent at Costa del Sol, which is a beautiful, relaxing beach. And I got to stay at a hotel and I literally felt like a VIP when I was staying there. And it was cool because they like assigned somebody who literally caters to you the whole time, just asking what you need, bring you drinks, bring you food. And the person that I had was called Henry. And I was so grateful to him with his patience.
with me when it came to my broken Spanish. I mean, I speak Spanish pretty fluently, but the way that I speak is a lot different. And so being by the beach the last few days was an amazing time for me because I was able to do a lot of reflective work. And if you know me or know a little bit about me, you know that I live like two blocks from the beach here in San Diego. So.
beach and water is just definitely something that's really important to me and I just felt so much more special feeling like I was at home in the beach or at the beach in my homeland. Water in general is just so such a calming presence in my life and the waves just are very nourishing sounding and just in general water is just a very soul -filling experience for me.
Sarita (28:03.996)
So let me get into some of the things that I observed while I was in El Salvador. One of the things that I observed that was interesting was the hair, like people's hair. So I've always had really wavy hair in general, and I've never really liked it. It's interesting. We always like what we don't have. I always tried to straighten my hair or do things or put it up so it wouldn't be in its natural curls like I do have right now, like I have them in braids.
And after being in El Salvador and seeing how many people actually have the same waves and the same curly hair, like it was a thing, like so many people had it. And so when I saw that, I decided that I was like, I'm going to start embracing my more natural hair in general and let it be in its own waves and let it be in its own naturalness because it's something that
my people have.
So another thing that was I noticed in El Salvador are the children. The kids are absolutely fucking adorable. I mean, I can't even begin to tell you how cute they are and seeing them because when these kids go to school, they go in their uniforms. When they were in their uniforms running around, it was just the most adorable thing. And I just wanted to like herd them like animals and like take them home. They were just so adorable.
Another thing that Salvadorans I've noticed were just really happy people. Like I didn't encounter anybody really in a bad mood and everybody was just so happy and gracious and wanting to lend a hand or like ask questions and they were interested in me or interested in like who we were and just asking questions. And I feel like it's so interesting these un...
Sarita (30:02.652)
things and characteristics that I uniquely thought were mine actually part of a larger web of personalities that make up Salvadorans. So for instance, one of the qualities that I've noticed was Salvadorans are just so kind. And it was actually not the first experience that I've heard of this before. Like when I've talked to other people and I've mentioned El Salvador,
One of the first things people say is, they're so kind. They're really loving and caring people. Salvadorans also are real big hustlers and they like working. Like they have this mentality of working hard and getting stuff done. I really appreciate that. So it's like, I understand these types of qualities that are coming from there and that uniquely make me another quality I find kind of amusing.
is interestingly that Salvadorans are very, very friendly and actually can be a little on the flirtatious side, even though it's like innocent. Like I just think it's really sweet that all of these different qualities and characteristics make people make El Salvador uniquely Salvadoran. And it makes me super proud to be Salvadoran.
Sarita (31:29.404)
One of the other things that I absolutely appreciated being over there was listening to Salvadoran Spanish. So I have been in Southern California, San Diego for the last 20 years and I learned obviously my first language was Spanish because I was adopted at three years old. But then also I learned Spanish.
in the classroom and then through friends. And then growing up in St. Louis, I didn't really get access to too much Spanish. But moving to San Diego in my early 20s was not only culture shock, but also empowering to me because I got to be around people that were Spanish speakers. Well, as I've been here for so long, most of the people that I do speak Spanish with here are
of Mexican origin. And so San Diego has this very unique Spanish that is basically borderland Spanish. And so Baja California, Tijuana is literally across the border. And so it's created this very unique language that's unique to this actual area in Southern California. So my Spanish has become very...
Mexicanized eyes in the way Mexican Americanized eyes Chicano oriented like it's very unique Spanish and so the way that I speak is number one very informal but then also to I've learned a lot of slang from a lot of the people that I've spent a lot of time with here not to mention my Spanish is.
become Spanglish. So I go between Spanish and English very frequently. And so there's a lot of words sometimes I don't know in either language sometimes, or I forget I should say in either language. I know it, but I just forget it. So being in El Salvador, hearing Salvador in Spanish was very unique to me because they speak in a different way. Not only is their cadence different, which was absolutely beautiful, it felt like, and it sounded like when I was hearing it,
Sarita (33:32.828)
It sounded like it was a song or like waves coming up on a beach. It was so beautiful. But also the way that they speak is a different conjugation in Spanish than I'm accustomed to. In El Salvador, they use the conjugation VOS, V -O -S, whereas the Spanish that I have learned is the informal tú, like como estás, they would say como estais. So I just find it so unique and beautiful that I was able to...
hear the Spanish and it was interesting that many times that I was there people were very patient with me when it came to my Spanish and then also what was pointed out to me that I found kind of comical was that they would tell me like you have a very interesting accent like you kind of sound like you're Mexican but you're telling me you're not you were born here and so I had to go through this long story about how I was
Born in El Salvador, raised in basically the Midwest in St. Louis, and then now live in Southern California and have lots of friends who speak Spanish, but have, you know, that are from Mexican, you know, descent. And so I've created kind of this own little like language of my own, but I found it really, really great that they were just patient with me and loving with me and just took the time to understand me and listen to me. And I would tell them I had a...
insecurity around Spanish for so long and that's what kept me from speaking it and to this day sometimes I have anxiety when I do speak Spanish but going to El Salvador and experiencing Spanish there and then having so many people be so patient with me and understanding with me and loving towards me with my Spanish that it
It just really empowered me and it made me feel so much more confident in my Spanish speaking abilities.
Sarita (35:39.26)
So going back to my homeland was extremely soul -filling, as you can imagine. It was the missing link that I needed to feel full again. And really after a lifetime of searching outside of myself for validation and completeness, it was so refreshing to discover that I literally have everything that I need right inside of me.
Visiting my birthland was a perfect time in my journey and it's what I've been missing for a while. And as you know, I've just, there was so much emotion that came up during the trip, but it wasn't this like sadness and longing. And I believe that if I had taken this trip anytime sooner in my life,
most likely I would have experienced emotions like longing and sadness.
And in fact, I had several adoptee friends tell me before taking this journey to El Salvador that a lot of emotions would come up and that I should be prepared for anything and everything. And it occurred to me actually that I've already had an experience like that with the longing and the sadness back in 2001 when I went to Nepal in college.
And it was literally my first exposure to a developing country and people that looked like me outside of being adopted. And I remember being so torn in pieces that one of my college professors on the trip took me aside to actually touch base with me because they were concerned about my journal entries because they were so profoundly sad.
Sarita (37:37.564)
And so since 2001, I've obviously grown up a lot and changed and especially exponentially in these last three years since I have had my breakup and I've been on this very intentional self -love journey, which I've been sharing with you on this podcast and on my social media that this experience going back to El Salvador was so much different.
In the United States here, I have created and gotten a better sense of my abundance and my self -love. And so in going back to El Salvador, it was basically like the cherry on top or the final step that I needed in this moment to feel more whole and complete.
And honestly, it's so refreshing that it didn't come from a man. It didn't come from a person. It didn't come from a thing. It actually came from me taking the leap of faith and receiving what I needed to receive on this trip and have it do what it needed to do for me to feel more fulfilled with sense of confidence and validation. And I honestly feel like a different person since I've come back.
I honestly feel like a different person. And...
Sarita (39:04.572)
I allow, now I allow people.
Sarita (39:25.532)
I feel like a different person and what I would have allowed to occur, like how people would have treated me before or how people would have talked to me or what I would have allowed fly and accept, doesn't apply to me anymore, basically. And after I've come back, I feel like I'm less stressed out in trying to plan out my life and figure things out and have like,
the life log plan and the validation and looking outside of myself and all the things. I just feel more whole since I've gotten back.
Sarita (40:31.708)
Before, I needed to get validation from outside of myself, right? And now, I don't search for that. I feel more lighthearted. I laugh things off. I feel more abundant. And most importantly, I am more in love with my life and myself than I've ever have before.
Sarita (40:59.74)
I feel the alignment in my life and the shift that's actually occurred to me, drawing things to me that are meant for me so I can consciously create the life that I really, really desire. My trip to El Salvador was, like I said, like the cherry on top, and I feel so much more free, and I feel like I have so much more freedom than I've ever felt before.
this has led me to realize that I'm ready to start looking for my birth family as well. I acknowledge that it was something that I was avoiding for a really, really long time because of fear. I acknowledge that I was avoiding connecting with birth land and birth country because I was terrified of it being "too much emotion". I had gotten that from other adoptees. I had gotten that...
from other things that I've read, that it would be too much. And so I thought that the whole experience would be negative. But in fact, the whole experience was in fact positive and abundant.
Sarita (42:24.86)
Swing out.
Sarita (42:34.172)
Starting over.
So I know now that seeking out my birth family and connecting with my birth family is not coming from a place of scarcity or fear or needing to figure something out about myself or find myself or find validation and completeness outside of myself. It's literally coming from the pure intention of wanting to make new connections.
And honestly, this all would not be possible if I had not taken the intentional time over the last three years to rigorously pour, and I mean pour time and energy into myself to raise my vibrational energy.
I know where I am right now is exactly where I am meant to be. And for the first time in a long, long, long time, I feel complete and whole.
Sarita (44:00.22)
I really hope you have enjoyed this personal episode of my travels back to El Salvador, my reflections and all the things. If you are an adoptee and especially a transracial adoptee, international adoptee, please, please, please feel free to reach out to me and connect. You can find me at Sarita Wellness on all platforms like Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Facebook.
all the things. It has been an absolute pleasure sharing this experience with you. And as always, make sure to share this episode with somebody that you think would it would be supportive to and a little special request. Make sure to leave a review on Apple Podcast if you are listening to it there. And when you do, I will make sure to send you a self -love
affirmation audio that you can listen to at any time.
My next episode that'll be coming out in two weeks is continuing our Abundance Chats, so make sure to watch out for that. Have an amazing rest of your day and, like I always end every single episode, always keep being the amazing you that you are. See you next time.
