I was adopted when I was 3 years old from El Salvador during the 80s and was raised in a single parent home in the Midwest.
Being taken away from not only my homeland of birth but also the only family I had ever known at such a young age and not knowing why was an exciting yet traumatic experience for me. The transition was very bumpy and ended up leading me down a path of feeling unworthy and silencing my voice.
Because my adopted mother was of another generation, grew up in the Midwest, had undiagnosed mental health issues and was of another race than me, oftentimes our differences were very prevalent.
Being raised in a single parent home the expectations were high. Apart from helping out around the house and participating financially, It was required of me to obtain a great education, get a job with excellent benefits and work very very hard and not complain; which could be interpreted as sacrificing my happiness for a steady pay-check. However, I saw first hand how being in survival mode, constantly being exhausted and the lack of taking care of yourself emotionally and physically tore someone down from the inside out. It was heartbreaking.
My voice was silenced often as a child and young adult. I was told many times, "you should be seen and not heard", "your laugh is too loud", "that's not how a lady acts". Even though personality wise I was always very outgoing, care-free and went against the grain to challenge authority. My upbringing was very opposite so you can imagine it left me ever the more confused and conditioned to NOT speak up or take care of myself. I followed what I was being shown.
I was angry, sad and depressed and often felt lost because I didn’t fit in anywhere due to the color of my skin and the fact I couldn't speak Spanish. It wasn't until college when I started to learn about my identity and the importance of celebrating it. I joined every student organization possible. Black Student Union, helped start the Latin American Student Union and Women’s Organization. I was finally starting to feel a part of something.
But then college ended and I realized there was nothing left for me in the Midwest so I journeyed to Southern California with everything I owned in my Ford Taurus and started a new life for myself. I had high hopes in my new life, but fell back into the familiarity of the pain.
I fell into a very traumatic and often physical and emotionally abusive relationship. I never spoke up. At times I felt scared for my life and sought comfort in taking sleeping drugs and alcohol to aid in my ability to forget the reality I was living in. During that time I joined the corporate workforce, working in a field I didn't resonate with. I stayed because I felt like I had no other options. Daily I was drained of my emotional and physical state, not to mention financial state. I became a slave to not only the cubicle but to my paycheck. I was living outside my means and surviving on payday loans that got me deeper and deeper into debt. I felt so unworthy.
Years of being told to be silent traumatized me and I was unable to speak up or even set boundaries for myself. I got very unhealthy. Not only was I taking on emotional toxins, my self-intake habits were all out of sorts. I was drawn into the glitz and glam of the nightclub life which led me even farther into the rabithole of alcohol and drugs. I couldn't think of any other way to handle the stress and anxiety of the life that I had created for myself and the massive void of unworthiness I was feeling. I felt trapped. On the outside I looked happy, nice car, corporate job downtown, the socialite life but inside I was SO miserable.
It was when I decided to go back to school to get my Masters Degree that the pivot occurred and the transformation commenced. I learned about race, gender, identity politics and the ancestral wounds of my Latinx culture. I was opened to a whole new world that I knew was calling me to help it. I knew my Latinx community needed me, my education and passion.
But after my Graduate School year, I fell yet again into the calls of the corporate world and a steady paycheck. The truth: I felt unworthy to receive the abundance of knowledge, finances, spiritual growth and freedom I desired so deeply.
Compounded stress from working in the same unhealthy corporate environment for 15 years led me to be hospitalized. I had become an insomniac. I would go as much as of 72 hours with only several hours of sleep for more than 5 years. My body started to break down, I was on adrenal overdrive. All I knew was the situation needed to change, I knew there had to be a solution, I knew this was NOT the life intended for me. But how? But how?... was the questions that kept me awake at night.
I began to strip down the layers. It was fucking scary, very emotional and at times I seriously wanted to give up the quest.
I was forced to confront a lot of past unresolved issues, old traumas, and really get down to the nitty gritty of who Sarita embodied. It was getting clear on my healing, rewiring my mind-set, starting daily self-care routines and abundance work that helped me "awaken" the inner me. I soon realized how I had seriously been missing out on so many opportunities around me. It was like my eyes were seeing for the very first time!! My spirit was finally getting the PERMISSION to open up to the light. My mindset started to shift as I became a student to my growth and my life.
I invested in myself by getting a Life Coach that helped me with my journey. I started lighting up, setting healthy boundaries, I treated my body with care and most importantly I ditched unhealthy toxic relationships I had created for myself.
I spent a lot of my years being resentful and angry but way deep down the feelings of unworthiness stuck to me like glue because I didn't know how to let it go. It took years of living a double life, surviving on imposter syndrome for me to acknowledge that there were parts of me that no longer served me. It was learning how to transform myself by dropping the burden of my ancestral wounds and utilizing them to fuel me, ignite my voice to free my spirit when I discovered my most authentic self.
The biggest ground breaker was quitting my corporate job to fully dedicate my life to living in my greatness while knowing I could find a way to do that AND make money. I stepped into courage and reclaimed my voice.Through that process I was able to recieve and develop the best and most important relationship, the one with myself. Now I help women heal to manifest and along their manifestation path.
The journey has been massive, mind-blowing, and life-changing but it started out knowing there was something more out there for me that I could and WOULD manifest so I could live my FREEDOM!
Get to know me best by connecting with me on Instagram! Can't wait to hear from you!
You don't need to remain frustrated like I was. It can be exhausting running your head up against a wall over and over, having the same dialogue inside yourself. I want to help YOU be the next best version of yourself you can be. We can start working together immediately!
Remember, this is YOUR life and YOUR journey and I want you to live in abundance in ways YOU thought never was possible!!I WANT TO GET STARTED!